Advice/Help/Comments on Anxiety Needed

Hi Everyone I'm new to this whole online self help stuff and have now resorted to this as I'm feeling I'm at a point where I need a little advice/help. Here we go - when I was a kid, I was physically abused by my father all the way through my senior year of college. Everything from being drowned, to severely hit, to broken bones. I have scars to this day which serve as a constant reminder. My father killed himself about 6 years ago and that seemed to have relieved me of a constant thought of what if this were to ever happen again to me. Today, I'm a 40 year old male. Happily married with two kids. A professional in the biotech space. From the outside, I appear to be a pretty well put together guy. I'm friendly, an avid runner, talk to anyone and love to help people. I call myself a "fixer." On the inside, however, I'm a tortured soul I feel. My mind is freight train going 100 miles an hour for what feels to be 24 hours a day (let's say 4am in the morning knows most of my secrets and troubles :) ). One of my largest challenges is being accepted. It's starting to consume me. A couple of years ago, I met a guy that I started running with and over time, he's become my closest friend and confident (outside of my wife). We run every weekend together and text everyday. I have never experienced such a close friendship before and I've developed a severe need for constant reassurance that everything is ok, we're still friends, he's not going anywhere, blah blah blah. I feel the same way with my wife -- essentially anyone I get close with. I hate the thought of anyone being upset or mad with me and it eats me up inside until I hear the words "we're ok" coming from the person's mouth. I hate blaming these "problems" on my past childhood. I hate opening those doors again and can't stand the thought that I'm still being affected to this day by what happened to me. My ultimate fear is that I will drive people away with my constant worry and need for acceptance. So my question simply is, how does one manage through these challenges?