Journaling, And An Excerpt From A Recent Entry Of Mine. Maybe It Can Help You.

I posted this earlier this week in another thread as a comment in response to a relevant OP, but given that the post was days old at that point, it fell under the radar. I decided to re-post it as its own thread, because I think that some of the sentiment here might help some of you, especially those of the group that are freshly broken up.

Since the beginning of the year, I have taken up a fairly consistent journaling practice, and let me say, it has been one of the best things for my mental health. In the last couple of months, however, I have broken down my practice into several different types of journals (organized by folder - this is easy because I do every digitally on my Google Drive); they are as follows:

• My Daily Journal - The day's events/interactions, just for the sake of posterity (jotted down as bullets), as well as a short reflection on where I am mentally/emotionally on that day. I usually write down my dreams here too, to reflect on them as well.

• Vents/Responses - I have a category of entries that are all of the "letters/messages to my ex" - I see that a lot of people post those here, and I think this is one of the best practices in lieu of actually reaching out to your former lover, especially if you are trying to stay NC. All of the angry, sad, horrible things you might have regretfully stated in a text or e-mail can be laid down here, with all of the benefit of getting it out of your system, and none of the possible consequences that could come from actually hitting "send". When she was regularly contacting me during the early part of the summer, I would also pen responses to her messages here, again, without sending them.

• Reflections - I have a folder that I use to reflect on articles, Reddit posts, etc., that I have read and are relevant to the current state of things. This has helped me frame my ideas better on relationships in general, and allowed me to develop/hone in on ideas about what I actually want in a partner, something I don't think I ever thought about prior with any specificity.

My apologies - I didn't intend to write all this, but as I got to typing, I assumed that someone would be able to cull something useful from this wall of text. Anyway, as promised, here is a piece of one of my latest "vents", about acceptance, and time. Maybe it can soothe some of where you're aching.

I get it all. And truthfully, I don't want to rehash it right now. I just spent the last half hour reading all of my old entries, so there's not much more to be said. Still, that doesn't account for my feelings. I'm realizing, however, that no matter how many times you go over something, that alone won't bring you to a place of peace. That's because pain is just pain, and time, while not able to heal all (as the cliche states) is one of the main ingredients towards that healing. I have gotten better, I have gotten stronger, but I am not totally out of the woods yet. I still need time. No matter how many entries I write, no matter how many meditations I do, no matter how many articles I read, part of this process is just letting time do what it needs to do.

A bad day is okay. Bad feelings are okay. Sadness, breaking down, backpedaling...it is all part of the process, and it is to be expected. So, don't be so hard on yourself when you feel this way. Yes, I am going to compare the current women in my life to her, and at the outset, they probably will not stack up - in part because of my distorted standard, but also because there isn't the same emotional connection there. I loved you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. On paper, I felt like we had the perfect elements to create such a great life together. That's something to grieve. Not something you get over very quickly, when it's genuine. For me, it was the real thing.

I'm entitled to this. I am entitled to cry. I am entitled to want to stay in, and not go on dates, to not hit the bar, or engage in any of the cliche "how to get over a break up" activities, at any given moment. I'm entitled to want to change everything that is my life right now. It's all okay. It's okay as long as I am also moving forward, growing, and healing, which I am. This isn't a linear process, but it is a process - and I am doing okay...

I did the right thing. Things between us weren't right, and I finally got the courage to act on that. There was good her, but I need, want, and deserve more. A lot of things, I already have within me, they just needed a little willpower, and some water, to grow. The rest I will find, in due time, without a doubt.

Again, I hope this helps a little.

TL;DR - A breakdown of how journaling has helped me, and how I organize mine, then an excerpt of one of my latest entries.

Edit - Formatting.