Source
r/adultery•
SecretCockslut

Can we have a discussion, please?

I have just seen the latest troll post. I am genuinely baffled as to why it's there at all, and also why anyone would reply to it.

I'm in favour of discussion and debate, but some of the posts lately have nothing to do with that. There are regular invasions from SI regulars who seldom have anything constructive to say, yet they are allowed to contribute to an atmosphere of hate and blame.

This is the only place I know of on the internet where you can discuss adultery without judgement. Except at the moment it doesn't feel like that.

I am aware there will be ridicule and criticism from the usual sources, that's fine. I would like to know what others think, or is it just me?

Posted Aug 29, 2017, 2:44 PM UTC

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MMinTN•

To me any discussion with them is just like trying to discuss politics or religion with someone of the opposite persuasion, mostly a waste of time. The best analogy I have ever heard is that it's like playing chess with a pigeon, you make your well contemplated move and they knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut around like they won...

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stw2016•

Thats awesome I will ..borrow that also..

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marriedscoundrel•

A discussion about what, exactly?

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and allow for all kinds of discussion. If someone is very obviously anti-adultery I'll take a look at the situation and if it's blatant, or escalates, I'll remove the post and ban the user where appropriate. Most of these cases are pretty obvious, but sometimes you get someone who is curious to talk but lets anger cloud the tone of their conversation.

I'm not online all the time (contrary to popular belief) so something might pop up while I'm not around and it might take me awhile to see it - just report it and I'll get to it when I do see it.

Aside from that...I assume that everyone here is an adult who can take care of themselves. If it's obviously a troll/troll post, just don't respond to it. If someone posts something inflammatory towards one of your posts, report it and exercise your option to block that user, if you like. And don't reply. Trolls lose their power if you don't feed them.

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SecretCockslutOPOne cock to rule them all•

A discussion about what kind of sub this is. Yes, I'm an adult, but my understanding is trolls and the like are not welcome here. Or shouldn't be.

No-one is suggesting you should be around 24/7, but for that reason other subs have more than one mod.

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marriedscoundrel•

I have been thinking about adding another mod, but no concrete plans as of right now.

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SecretCockslutOPOne cock to rule them all•

It's a possibility. There are one or two people who are frequently posting and give good, sensible advice (and I am not referring to myself!). The other thing that occurred to me was to have more options when reporting.

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tinwoodsman85Some kind of mammal•

I'm just ignoring it as it is obviously a waste of time for me to go in there.

It can be a bit annoying but I just report it and let the mods handle moderating.

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veraci_nullatenus•

I like the amusement it provides. Somehow I always forget about how stupid they get. Must remember and resist....

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RedButter4•

I'm with you!

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lupefiasco74•

Look at my post history and you'll see your "without ridicule".

Hell, there was a guy the other week talking about cheating with his friend's girl. Basically a flurry of downvotes.

r/adultery is non judgemental, so long as you have a sob story. Otherwise it's the same as everywhere else.

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tinwoodsman85Some kind of mammal•

Eh I still try not to judge, it is not like I'm a better person or anything.

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happypants7043•

I think I do a pretty good job not judging people. I mean who am I to judge? My hand is in the cookie jar too. But I had a similar situation with a friends girl. I think it just opens up an entirely new can of worms.

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2615milesgrandwhore•

Sometimes I genuinely like to lash out. That last one just made me laugh, though.

If someone comes here to be judgy and I feel the need to snark them or rip them, well... they did come to this playground. Or, as the post pinned to the top of the sub states, they're wearing a meat vest and walking into the lion's den.

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tinwoodsman85Some kind of mammal•

This is true they do choose to come here to be hateful and inflammatory. I just always felt it just would be sinking to their level.

I am here as I feel all of you are typically more level headed, less judgemental and prone to giving better advice. (Even if you do feed the trolls) I can't even talk to them, besides they are just like animals, just trying to survive. Screw that I want to thrive not survive.

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SICOMman•

"besides they are just like animals"

Nice, I have read here about "BS" (betrayed spouse in SI.com parlance) as "wallowing pussies", "genetically inferior men", clumsy, oblivious, boring. Animals is new, but then I assume that this description reflects and defines its author, and says nothing about me, or any other person who has coped with a crisis in his/her life, on both sides of the affair "equation".

Ah yes, the person who calls me an "Animal" likes non judgemental persons. I totally get it.

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tinwoodsman85Some kind of mammal•

We are all animals imo, and actually I love all animals that's just a given of my way of life.

I would not define myself as anything more than an animal as they show a lot of emotion, intuition, and quite often more "humanity" than we humans do. Do you have a problem with animals, or humans being described as animals? Do you deny a basic premise of our existence which is fundamentally shirked by our society?

Plus the traits you ascribe to yourselves there could apply to anyone, on either end of the spectrum.

I am not convinced that you "totally get it". Allow me clarify my meaning for you, the phrase survival is continuing to live despite danger or hardship. Personally I think that just living is not good enough. I would rather take experiences as an opportunity to grow and thrive, not just to survive. If we just survive without growing then we are stagnating.

But I guess you knew all this since you, "totally get it", right?

added: This is an example of feeding the troll :P

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SICOMman•

Jijoles...what can I say.....so here goes. Despacito, to quote the song. How exactly you went from they are animals (as in people who suffered from an affair) in your original comment, to we are all animals in you "explanation". Your first sentence was all about differentiating the cheerful humans from the inferior species (aka cheated SOs). That was the unfiltered you, not the one trying to explain himself ex post. Don't try it on your wife when you get caught, it will make her rage even worse.

Now about surviving....hombre, did you ever get tested for reading comprehension? The surviving in infidelity forums refers to survive an accident, or in the case of SI.com surviving an attempt to kill you rapidly or slowly (not that I agree with this). You are referring to survive as in long term existence. And I like the idea that you love animals, hell I am sure some of your best anumals/friends are BS, or Mexicans (I am both btw).

So, if I may, you should improve your reading skills, inform yourself about the history of racism and the psychology of prejudice. The we can talk about judgemental persons and growing as human "animals".

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2615milesgrandwhore•

Could be sinking. Could be indulging in a little conflict just because I can.

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tinwoodsman85Some kind of mammal•

Oh trust me I understand that :) Sometimes I am just a shit disturber. See above for example.

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2615milesgrandwhore•

👍😜

I once had a boss who labeled me a "challenger." Haha! (Better than "challenged," I guess. What he probably meant was "troublemaker with a loud 'this is such bullshit' face.")

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saturdayfunthrowaway•

I don't respond at all to any troll posts! I will not waste my time or energy defending my position...I do what I do and answer only to myself for my actions....certainly not some Internet idiot who sits on his moral pedestal looking down on 'us' and thinks he will change our minds or whatever!

If I want or need reminding of what a scumbag I am, I can visit SI anytime. Personally I don't think the troll posts should be allowed....I can tolerate a discussion on this whole 'lifestyle' but absolutely no disrespect or vileness should be allowed.

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inaheartbeat63•

I've dealt with them in some capacity for 7-8 years on different sites. Sometimes I ignore, other times I don't. Depends on my mood and how bored I am.

Today was a slow day at work so I engaged.

It is what it is.

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saucyflaxwench•

Sometimes I reply, and sometimes I don't. Today just struck me.

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Maamajomboo•

Am I just dense or what's going on? Even after reading all the comments I'm still clueless about what this "latest troll post" is.

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poopfeast1231•

Just because ONE post occasionally pops up where someone is judging you, doesn't nullify the countless other posts where people are disclosing things judgment-free. This sub still serves its purpose.

It's the internet and a public forum. You need to grow a thicker skin and some accountability that what you're doing (cheating) is almost universally unaccepted and in 99% of situations, unethical. That is what I think.

I guess you could have u/marriedscoundrel ban trolls when he's able (I'm banned from SI lolol) but again, that's just a temporary solution to a permanent problem. There will always be trolls. It's easy to make new accounts to get around bans. Better to make yourself immune to trolling than rely on others to protect you.

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stw2016•

How do you decide what is a Troll post? People judge in any post you will have 75% of the people being positive and 25% being negative. I think that is a good mix for the internet. In the end you can chose what resonates with you.

Sometimes if you do something abhorrent enough you should be called on it. At the end of the day no one knows who you are.

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LifeInTheNW•

Can someone tell me what "SI" is? As in "SI regulars"? Thanks!

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SecretCockslutOPOne cock to rule them all•

r/survivinginfidelity

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sneakpeekbot•

Here's a sneak peek of r/survivinginfidelity using the top posts of the year!

#1: Dear survivinginfidelity: please quit with all the acronyms. It's not helpful. I don't know what you're talking about. At the very least, please define your acronyms ONCE.
#2: This is our reconciliation story. Its long but I hope it helps someone to understand they are not alone.
#3: My wife (f/29) cheated on me (m/32) and I hit her

^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^Contact ^^me ^^| ^^Info ^^| ^^Opt-out

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LifeInTheNW•

Thanks!

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