The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 1

My brother Brandon doesn't watch football, he doesn't like football, he only goes to my Super Bowl party every year because there is a buffet. So naturally, I entered him into my local pubs football pick 'em pool. I'm curious as to how well me, a football fan and avid sports gambler, can do against a football ignoramus when picking against the spread. I've seen people that pick randomly win weeks and even finish in the money in the year end standings. I hate picking against the spread for that very reason. So I decided to chronicle this years adventure and give our reasons for each pick. Here we go.

Jets +8.5 @ Bills

Brandon: Jets - First he asked why they are not called the Buffalos, because its such a good animal. He says the Bills will win because money runs the airline industry but not cover the spread.

Gary: Jets - No Tyrod Taylor means 8.5 is too much of a spread.

Falcons -7 @ Bears

Brandon: Bears - "Aren't the falcons from Philidelphia?" See what I'm dealing with. "Have you ever seen a bear?" is his reason.

Gary: Falcons - Matt Ryan is going tear that defence apart

Ravens +3 @ Bengals

Brandon: Ravens - They will cover on Sunday, but as for the rest of the season, they will cover, and I quote, "Nevermore." Hes a dork.

Gary: Bengals - With the Ravens missing at least 7 starters going into Sunday, this is a no brainer.

Steelers -8.5 @ Browns

Brandon: Steelers - With his "extensive" knowledge, he says the Steelers will cover that spread. Then he stared at me for 30 seconds.

Gary: Steelers - It's the browns, come on.

Cardinals -1 @ Lions

Brandon: Cardinals - First he got mad at me for talking while there was action happening in the League of Legends game he was watching. He said hes never played a football game where the Lions were good.

Gary: Lions - Stafford has a lot to prove at home in game one and I think he'll come through against the 38 year old Palmer

Jaguars +5 @ Texans

Brandon: Texans - The Texans are angry right now because they're coming for the Confederacy, and then he made a lot of race dialogue about jaguars being similar to the panther, and the Black Panthers being a activism group in favour of black rights. His ramblings were strange and based in 0 fact. I think he may have catered to the blog on that one.

Gary: Texans - Blake Bortles has about 4 games left as a NFL QB and JJ Watt is going to show him why.

Raiders +1.5 @ Titans

Brandon: Titans - He knows nothing about either teams so he's taking the Titans based on their alliteration game being on point.

Gary: Titans - The Titans defense is underrated and I dont know how mobile Carr will be after that leg break last year. He may be gun shy in the pocket and throw the ball away more than usual.

Eagles -1 @ Redskins

Brandon: Redskins - "Because, well, you know, racism"

Gary: Eagles - Wentz started strong last season, and I feel like he will repeat the same here.

Colts +3 @ Rams

Brandon: Colts - The colt is the bigger of the cloven hoofed animals.

Gary: Rams - I hate this game. The Rams are trash, but the colts are literally nothing without Luck. I hope to god I don't have to watch this game.

Seahawks +3 Packers

Brandon: Packers - He seems very confident in this. Zero hesitation.

Gary: Seahawks - Earl Thomas held QBs to a QBR of 69 and the Packers have started seasons slow as of late. This game is going to be close.

Panthers -5.5 @ 49ers

Brandon: Panthers - "They're the favourite for a reason."

Gary: Panthers - I had to look up the QB for San Fran, as soon as I started to Google it I made my choice against former MVP, Cam Newton.

Giants +4 Cowboys

Brandon: Giants - This is the rematch of the century from The Little Giants apparently and, once again, Ice Box will come out at half time and help the Giants take down the favoured Cowboys.

Gary: Giants - New Yorks defense is good. Like, really good. Not sure that the cowboys can repeat the offensive performance from last season.

Saints +3.5 @ Vikings

Brandon: Vikings - "Have you ever met a Viking you're not afraid of?" I mean, that's pretty sound logic.

Gary: Saints - I think this is going to be a close game. 3 points either way.

Chargers -3.5 @ Broncos

Brandon: Chargers - He got super excited when I told him LA's logo was a lightening bold. His face lit up and I think the Chargers just found they're first new fan since the move to LA

Gary: Chargers - They're underrated. Phil Rivers is a beast. He's got like 8 mouths to feed. And this year I have 0 faith in the Broncos. You know its bad when you re-sign the worst QB I've seen in nearly a decade.

So you see why I'm going to lose my mind when at the end of this season, this MF'er beats me in the year end Standings. Thanks for reading this far for those of you who made it. I will be back next year for week 2.

@theGaryKozchuck on twitter for those of you who care.