Thanks! That's def what I was gunning for.

I love that last line of the first stanza . She sounds like the ultimate femme fatale. 

Thank you so much for all of the input! Yeah I def feel that with the punctuation. I appreciate the critique and the compliments!

Wow! I love it. especially "Punk isn’t/ Dead; but it might as well be. That/ way it could have some relation to me."; "Leopard print top and ready to raise hell;/ Candy apple lipstick, who wears that so well?" and "The storm has come and went/ But you remain, a Tesla coil of raw appeal."

What I don't really get is "Whiskey breath and misanthropy/ Hope died with your fashion sense/ Somewhere in the 80’s. " After misanthropy, I believe there should be some kind of punctuation mark.

Still, I really like the image it gives me. A lady full of personality and drive against everything stupid (and an explosion in the background). 

Keep it up with the marvelous work. Good job.


Interesting, thank you! I would've never caught that, I had always heard "has went" but I think it's a verbal dialect thing. "Has gone" definitely sounds better though, mechanics are my weak point and I appreciate the input!

Just grammar, but "the storm has come and went" is improper because "has went" isn't correct. "has gone" is more eloquent, and eloquence is power.

Thank you so much! (No worries, profanity definitely does not offend.)  I appreciate it!

That was fucking awesome! (Excuse the profanity if it offends) all I can think of was a smoking hot woman who left your jaw on the floor. It was amazing!

Whiskey breath and misanthropy;  
Hope died with your fashion sense  
Somewhere in the 80’s. “Punk isn’t   
Dead; but it might as well be. That   
way it could have some relation to me.”  

&amp;nbsp;  
  

Acid wash and bleach blonde bombshell  
Leopard print top and ready to raise hell;  
Candy apple lipstick, who wears that so well?  

&amp;nbsp;  

There is enough steel in your flesh to attract lightning   
And baby you did. The storm has come and went   
But you remain, a Tesla coil of raw appeal. You   
are a nihilist. I used to believe in nothing too.  
Hey, maybe some of what Nietzsche said is true. 


Past Critiques: https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/comments/708s9f/clarity/ https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/comments/6zwaht/her/


Leopard Spots and Whiskey Shots