The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 3

This is a post chronicling me vs my big brother Brandon in a pick 'em pool against the spread in the NFL. I watch too much football, and he watches 1 game a year, and its for the buffet at our Super Bowl party. Oh, and to cap off how lucky this man is, every year at said party he cashes in every box pool he enters for the game, and usually wins the 50/50 draw the pub holds the day of the big game, valued typically well over $400. That's what I'm up against.

Week 2 Review There's a lot we can take from week 2. Stafford is here to play, Seattle has parchment paper for an offensive line, Trevor Siemian might be pretty freaking good, ten years later and Alex Smith can finally throw farther than 10 yards, and I am very bad at picking against the spread. I mean. I knew that, but now all of you do too.

YTD Brandon 14-15 Gary 11-18

Ravens -4 @ Jaguars

Brandon - Jaguars: The "Kitties" or going to beat the "Birdies" due to leftover pollution from the industrial revolution.. Apparently the birds are always the first to die because of air quality

Gary - Jaguars: Who have the ravens beaten? Nobody. Literally nobody. This IS a home game for the Jags despite it being in london, regardless of how many Raiders, Titans, Broncos, Falcons and Panthers jerseys are in the stands. England loves Blake Bortels. Though that may change. I'm not ready to give up on the Jags yet, and I'm fully aware this game will most likely force me too.

Broncos -3 @ Bills

Brandon - Bills: It's going to be the running of the Bills so Buffalo will cover. Because of this, I then asked him how many rushing yards - or running yards as he says - he said they will have 82. When asked why he said "because its not quite double 44." Sound logic.

Gary - Broncos: They dismantled the Cowboys last week. Hell, the defense made that O'line look absolutely silly. And that's no small feat. The Broncos aren't what we thought they were.

Steelers -7.5@ Bears

Brandon - Steelers: He said that because winter is coming, the Bears are worries more about eating and bulking up for hibernation, they will be less focused on football.

Gary - Bears: This is the week they will debut their new toy, Mitch Trubisky. However it will be late 3rd quarter and they will be down by two touchdowns. But dammit he'll play. He'll probably even put up some huge garbage time numbers like my boy Blake, and that't why they will cover.

Falcons -3.5@ Lions

Brandon - Falcons: He doesn't see the lions as a good team, reverting back to his logic of, in NFL Blitz 2000 they were trash.

Gary - Falcons: I hate picking this game. I like both teams. So I'm just going with my gut on this one.

Browns -1.5@ Colts

Brandon - Browns: His immediate reaction was to point out how bad he knows the browns are. See Cleveland, even this football ignoramus knows how shitty your franchise is. He says if the brows are favored, then the colts must be the worst team of all time. I'm not sure he's incorrect.

Gary - Colts: So last week I said I wouldn't take the Colts if they kept throwing Tolzein out there. Well they played Brissett. So obviously they covered. With him olaying against the Browns, I see this going Indianapolis' way.

Buccaneers Pick @ Vikings

Brandon - Vikings: It's history lesson time with Brandon. If we look back in time, we see pirates, and vikings, which he calls Scandinavian pirates. We have to see what the accomplished. The pirates only have Captain Jack Sparrow. But the Vikings founded North America by first landing on the shores of Newfoundland. Also, Josh Donaldson is on that show Vikings, and he is a die hard Toronto Blue Jays Fan. Picking a football team based on your favorite baseball team. Bold strategy Brandon. Let's see if it pays off.

Gary - Buccaneers: - I really like this Bucs team. I think they could compete for the division lead this year. They looked strong last week, and I believe they will look just as strong going forward.

Texans +13@ Patriots

Brandon - Texans: And I quote, "Fuck that, I'm taking the Texans!" He believes Texans are convinced that they are pure blooded Americans, and would have a bone to pick with a team called the Patriots. While I'm not sure his theory holds any merit keep in mind, we are Canadian and may not be 100% accurate on this one.

Gary - Patriots: Every time I pick against Brady with a big spread it boots me square in the ass. I don't like being booted in the ass, it sucks. If there's one thing I've learned in my years of gambling on football, is don't bet against Brady.

Dolphins +6@ Jets

Brandon - Jets: First I think it should be noted that he calls the dolphins the Dan Marinos, which is much more intimidating than a dolphin if you ask me, and he calls the Jets the Whirly Birds. Second he went on a rant about how its the battle of aquatic creatures vs an airborne attacker. After what can only be described as the incoherent ramblings of a deranged individual, he landed on the jets covering because they play football on aircraft carriers, according to him.

Gary - Dolphins: Jets are trash. Next.

Giants +3.5@ Eagles

Brandon - Giants: For this one he didn't say anything funny. He just looked me dead in the eyes and said he had a gut feeling. It was a very scary moment.

Gary - Eagles: Their D looked unbelievable last week against the Chiefs, they just got tired in the 4th quarter. Overworked you might say. But the Giants offensive line is not going to tire out the Eagles defense. Not only do I predict a Eagles win, but I predict Eli throws no fewer than 3 interceptions.

Saints +6@ *Panthers

Brandon -Panthers He has a feeling its going to be a boring match up. He's avoiding a tirade about black panthers, which in his eyes, is probably for the better. He had a hard time with this one because i guess its the League of Legends world championships and he's very into e-sports.

Gary - Panthers: I had a hard time with this one. The Panthers haven't really wowed me outside of the defense. But even the Saints offense has been lackluster so far. Also, the saints are terrible in September.

Seahawks +3@ Titans

Brandon - Titans: He noticed that both teams have alliteration in their names. Then incorrectly identifying the letter T coming before the letter. And that's why he is picking the Titans.

Gary - Titans: Seattle is on a time out. They almost lost to San Fran. That game was ugly as they come. Until, they show me they are dedicated to getting better, I will not pick them. Plus the Titans are solid.

Bengals +9@ Packers

Brandon - Packers: He doesn't hesitate with the packers. I think he might be cheese head at heart but cant bring himself to admit it. He then said that a nine point spread is huge, so obviously they will cover. Obviously.

Gary - Packers: The Bengals haven't scored a touchdown yet. And I'm supposed to believe they are going to go into Lambo and cover a nine point spread against Aaron Rogers? No.

Side note - at this point I also am watching the League of Legends world championships. I now know how people that know literally nothing about football feel about watching a game. Kind of exciting though.

Chiefs -3@ Chargers

Brandon - Chargers: He loves rooting against my team. I'm pretty sure that's his main motivation in this pick. He also said that he thinks they'll cover because of how small the spread is. I'm starting to think understand the concept of spreads.

Gary - Chiefs: Gary the homer strikes again. Yes I love the chiefs, and yes I recognize that the chargers are 2 kicks away from being 2-0. But there's this desire to win I'm seeing out of the Chiefs late in games. They were in nobody's top power rankings at the beginning of the season and looks like they have a desire to know the chip off their shoulder. Plus, Kareem Hunt is a monster. Bonus tip: At last check, Hunt was still 20-1 to win rookie of the year. Seems like a futures bet worth betting on.

Raiders -3@ Redskins

Brandon - Redskins: His first reaction was to point out that a raider is a land pirate. Then made his usual pick of the Redskins, "because of racism."

Gary - Raiders: The Raiders look excellent right now. And the Washington's one win wasn't that impressive. To me this one is easy, which obviously means I'm going to lose it.

Cowboys -3@ Cardinals

Brandon - Cowboys: He grabbed a coin. He actually flipped a coin. Heads is the cardinals, because cardinals have heads.

Gary - Cowboys: Not a fan of what Palmer is doing this year. They barely beat the Colts last week, and I had high hopes for them this year. With that said, I'm going with the Cowboys with little reluctance.

If you so choose you can follow me on the twitter machine @theGaryKozchuck. I'm also trying to figure out a way to put this in podcast for so if any of you would like something like that, then let me know so I can work more vigilantly on it. Thanks, and happy betting.