Source
r/weddingplanning•
ski3

I'm 2 weeks away from my wedding and seriously thinking of firing my maid of honor

My wedding is 2 weeks from today! And all of the wedding stress in the past 2 weeks has been caused by my maid of honor. I'm so furious beyond words and just needed a place to vent.

A week ago (while I was out of town at another wedding), I receive a text from my maid of honor asking if she can leave the wedding weekend on Sunday night. The wedding is on Sunday night and doesn't end until 10:30 pm. She's known about this for a year, so obviously i was not ok with this. After telling her this, she ghosted me for a week before finally agreeing to stay through the wedding.

Then she asks me if she can stay at a different hotel from everyone else. Our wedding is in the middle of nowhere and all of the other hotels in the area are super sketchy. In addition to that, over half of our guest list is coming from out of town so the hotel is like a hub for the wedding. 2 meals are being hosted out of the hotel for out of town guests. Shuttles to 2 more meals and the wedding itself are being held out of the hotel. We're getting ready at the hotel. We're having the bachelorette party at the hotel. I told her all of this and that I would rather help pay for that room than to have her stay somewhere else. Of course, she ignored my reasoning and pleas and booked the sketchy motel across the highway from the venue (and she thinks she's going to walk to the hotel we're blocked at... which she would need to cross a 4 lane highway with no sidewalks to do...) To top it off, my maid of honor doesn't know how to drive and/or have transportation and she ghosted the bridesmaid she was going to room with (so that bridesmaid is now on the hook for the whole price of the room by herself. I've now offered to pay the other half of the room because I don't want her to get screwed over for doing what I asked her to do). And my maid of honor is habitually late to everything. To top it off, in terms of the rooming situation, she refuses to take any responsibility for how messed up this whole thing is.

I've been trying to reach her all day with no luck. I've texted. I've called multiple times. I sent her a message on Skype. I left voicemail. No response. At this point, I just can't trust her. I gave her literally 4 jobs (be there, buy a dress in a certain color (any dress she wanted in that color), stay at the hotel we're blocked at (which i offered to help with), and write a speech), and so far she has already pretty much failed or asked to fail half of them. Who's to say she won't be late to getting ready or the wedding itself? Who's to say that when she is late, we'll even be able to reach her and find her since she won't pick up her goddamn phone? I've already asked another bridesmaid to write a backup maid of honor speech just in case. I'm just so disappointed and so beat down that I'm not even looking forward to my wedding anymore.

TLDR- Maid of honor is non-communicative and refuses to do the few things that are asked of her and I'm just about ready to fire her with only 2 weeks until my wedding.

Update- After 7 attempted phone calls, multiple attempted Facebook, Facebook chat, and Skype messages, and multiple unanswered texts, I decided to drop her last night. I feel kind of shitty that I did it through an extremely long and formal text message (but I had no other way to get it to her since she's not responding to anything), since with less than 2 weeks to the wedding now, I really don't have time to wait another week for her to finally decide she's ready to respond to any sort of contact. Sadly, it occurred to me that she's really not being a good friend and she hasn't been helpful with anything except for wedding dress shopping throughout this whole thing (a day that although wonderful, I also realize gained her a lot of benefit as I carpooled her everywhere, getting her out of a boring day at home with her parents, and I paid for her lunch and drinks that day too). It was a hard decision because our friendship is now probably over, but in all honestly, if she can't be there for me and is causing this much added stress to my wedding planning, she's probably not a friend worth keeping anyway.

Posted Sep 25, 2017, 12:38 AM UTC · edited

1510
Mands031•

IMHO, your wedding is YOUR day and your FH's day. If you feel uncomfortable having her as your MOH because she can't respect your wishes and has no reasonable excuse (i.e. She can't claim financial trouble because you offered to pay), then you owe her nothing and have every right to "fire" her. Your happiness comes first.

16
ski3OPOctober 8, 2017- Pittsburgh, PA•

Thanks! I know everyone has different financial obligations and circumstances which is why I've tried to make things easier on her and the rest of my bridesmaids. That's why I just chose a color and not a specific dress, because then they could get something they like at a price they feel comfortable with and would possibly even wear again. That's why I offered to help pay for the room (that she was already going to be splitting the cost of with another bridesmaid, and I didn't exactly choose an extravagantly expensive hotel either). In addition, my mom's from the south, so despite the fact that we're in the north, my mom's southern hospitality is making it so that all of the out of town guests and wedding party won't be paying for a single meal all weekend. I've had 2 people offer to give her a ride to our city from where she lives so she won't really be paying for transportation to get her either, so she really has no excuse in terms of finances.

5
andromache97Cleveland May 2018•

Have you asked her about why she is making these choices? Her decisions seem bizarre....and maybe you should ash her what is going on without referencing the wedding, because wedding or no wedding, this seems weird? Like, maybe she wants to bring a date all of a sudden or something and doesn't want ya'll to judge her? I wouldn't assume the worst.

15
ski3OPOctober 8, 2017- Pittsburgh, PA•

Her being self-centered and non-communicative isn't exactly new behavior, it's just behavior that I haven't witnessed from her in years. I tried not to assume the worst, but then it dawned upon me that every time she receives a response that's not "oh yes, MOH, do whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want", it's radio silence. She asked me on Friday the 15th if she could leave early, I said no and she didn't respond to me again until Saturday the 23rd. The girl she was supposed to be rooming with told her on Tuesday the 19th that per my request, she was booking a room for them at the hotel we're blocked at. MOH went out, booked the sketchy motel across the highway anyway (leaving my other bridesmaid on the hook for the whole room by herself), and this other girl hasn't received a response from her since. MOH placed the blame on my other bridesmaid for being on the hook for that hotel room by herself on Saturday, and I defended the other girl (politely, and I took the blame and said I asked her to do so for the reasons I asked her to do that... again), and MOH has been dodging my attempts of communication ever since, so I'm just done.

In terms of the guy thing, she WAS given a guest. Then she broke up with her hookup buddy of 4 years (she refused to ever define the relationship), and decided not to bring anyone. She's made jokes about how the MOH is supposed to hook up with the best man and I've been like, "if you want to hook up, hook up.", so not like I haven't been supportive on that front.

3
hemismum•

Yeah i thought that. Maybe she wants to hook up with someone and doesnt want you to know?

2
cncaswell•

I'd just be brutally honest with her about it - even if it's in an email or text or something. She needs to get ahold of you and put forward some kind of sign of responsibility and trustworthiness or you're going to replace her as MOH. Elaborate on how all this is making you feel and that your MOH is supposed to be someone who can help handle the last minute casualties - which she cannot do if she's at a different hotel (at least not in a timely or efficient manner). Offer to let her be a BM still (if you want to, don't feel obligated to in order to keep sides even or whatever), but - to me - you've tried to make this as easy as possible for her and she's still not getting it together. Possibly even request that she send her MOH speech (if she claims to have one ready) to a trusted person (mom, groom, backup MOH) even if it's "just to have on hand as a back up"

6
ski3OPOctober 8, 2017- Pittsburgh, PA•

I already left a long voicemail on her message machine doing exactly that. Honestly, if she's not the maid of honor, I'm just going to demote her to guest privileges if she wants them. I don't want anyone in the bridal party being late to things and I don't want her possibly grumpy mood to show if she's demoted to a bridesmaid.

We actually do have a close friend who has the right color dress (she was going to help our ring bearer (dog) get down the aisle), and I've been treating her kind of like an honorary bridesmaid throughout this whole process and would love to promote her (and she's fully on board too).

The biggest issues I'm having are 1. that I'm most likely going to lose one of my closest friends from this and 2. This switch is expensive. Ordering new programs last minute, ordering/exchanging shoes for the promoted bridesmaid, helping pay for my other bridesmaid's hotel room since my maid of honor screwed her over, etc. It just really hurts that someone I cared enough about to ask her to be my maid of honor is pulling this shit so close to the wedding and really doesn't seem to care about or support me.

6
PBRidesAgainMarried!!•

If she's acting like this regarding your wedding is she really that close of a friend?

5
cncaswell•

Understandable. Sadly it seems weddings tend to bring out either the best or worst in people. Ultimately while the switch will be expensive (paper is crazy expensive for growing on trees!), I think you'll ultimately have a much more stress free (or at least less stressful) wedding day and enjoy yourself more. You've done your part in trying to maintain the friendship and she's not doing her part. Having cut out numerous one sided friendships, it does hurt - a lot, but ultimately I'm better off for it because I know the people I've still got are the ones that actually are the most important to me and not just friends of convenience.

2
cakolin•

FIRE HER! She's obviously one of those disappointing people who fail to be an actual good friend when something is required of them. It sounds like she's adding on a lot of unneeded stress, I say drop her.

3