Flat mate "forgets" to put the toilet lid down despite my constant reminders. The fact that he refuses to compromise on such an insignificant task upsets me, WWYD?
Posted Sep 25, 2017, 10:32 AM UTC
4835
Honestly nothing. You even said it yourself, it's a pretty insignificant task, in the world of horrible things your roommate could be doing this is pretty tame. Maybe if he were your boyfriend or something, but just a roommate? I'd leave it alone.
If this is the worst quality about him he's actually a pretty good roommate, if he does have other issues I would save my energy for bigger disagreements.
Or if he's actually open to it maybe have a deal where you both completely close the toilet seat and lid when you're done so it's like a neutral setting. Right now it's not entirely fair that he has the move the seat to use it but you expect it to always be ready for your use?
23
Problem isn't that he won't do this minor thing, it's that it's disgusting otherwise. I don't want shit water spraying up into my toiletries and towel n shit.
Right now it's not entirely fair that he has the move the seat to use it but you expect it to always be ready for your use?
Re-read the title. Also that's not a good reason. He will have to put down the seat every time he needs to shit, I need to all the time. Therefore it makes way more sense to have it down than up anyway, but that's moot here.
10
Totally aside from the relationship/courtesy thing: toilets should not allow any spray from flushing, the flow is designed to stay in the bowl even with the lid open. If yours does spray, see about having it replaced.
13
The OP is probably not talking about a toilet that is spewing water everywhere, but the fact that flushing with an open lid can spray fecal germs all over the place even if we can't see it.
http://www.businessinsider.com/flushing-toilet-seat-up-sprays-water-germs-2016-3
16
That’s been debunked in the sense that it doesn’t matter whether the lid is up or down. Bacteria gets around, period.
19
I have only met one person in my whole life who I know regularly puts the toilet lid down.. She's my current roommate.
16
I'm super petty about things like this. Ask him again and explain that you find it gross to touch the urine splattered seat in order to put it down again. If he still keeps forgetting I'd probably just start forgetting to flush period blood away.
Like I said, super petty.
14
Wait, is this about the lid or the seat? The seat I would find annoying, but honestly, I only close the lid because I don't want my cats to end up in the toilet.
9
I am just as petty as you are and have, in a fit of utter pettiness, removed the toilet seat and lid completely.
2
I'd probably just start forgetting to flush period blood away.
First world problems: I have an IUD haha so it's spotty at best.
2
Oh shit. I would totally do this.
1
Get a fuzzy toilet seat cover so the lid falls closed when not being held open. You'll both have to lift the lid to use the toilet but it's a little more fair if you both have to deal with it. And it's worth it to avoid the frustration and resentment. Source: Been there. Done that.
11
You are so kind and clever. My first thought was "glue the seat down"
5
Any recommendations? Cause I've never heard of this. In my folks place he have hydraulic ones or whatever that you can throw the lid down without it slamming.
4
Something similar to this. What you want is thick carpeting(?) that way it can't stay open on it's own and the lid's cushioned when it falls so that it doesn't slam.
3
Personally, I would constantly send the person the science about it. It really is gross. There was a Mythbusters on it as well. If it continues, I would just start putting my stuff away in a cabinet or mirror.
I usually have my toothbrush out, but when guests come over, I put it away, because I know they won't all put it down.
Also, you could try putting up a sign. Like show fecal microbes dancing around that area. Maybe a picture with poop particles on a toothbrush that is the same color as his?
8
I grew up with divorced parents. At my dad's house we always had to keep the lid down; he found it disgusting to be open.
At my mom's house nobody closed the seat.
I've had somewhere between 10 and 15 roommates, and I don't think a single one of them cared about keeping the lid down. I've always been the one to close it myself. It's not fair to ask them to change their habits when I'm the only one bothered by it. Instead I chose to not be bothered, and to just close the damn lid myself if I care so much about it.
It's not compromise if you're asking a person to do the thing that you want, and you don't meet them in the middle. With a toilet lid, there is no middle. It's either up or down, that's it. So there's no such thing as compromise here.
My advice: just let it go.
6
If you don't mind buying one then a self closing seat is the answer. We've got one and I'm like you with the idea of water or anything spraying about, I also think it just looks better with the lid down. I'm in the UK and you can get them for less than £30 so they aren't expensive.
5
I have more things going on than worrying about a toilet lid. I don't think most people actively think about it. Probably your room mate as well. There's so much going on from day to day, don't take it personally. Probably just forgets. I know I would/do. I don't think the lid being down is going to stop the germ flow. If you think about it, you smell things because of particles, right? So...I believe your germs are going to be everywhere regardless.
2
If he seems willing to change, put a picture of an arrow on the lid or I loved the suggestion of the plush seat cover. If he isn't willing to change, keep your things in your bedroom. It's nasty, yes, but not the worst roommate issue if he is otherwise ok.
2
I'd put a baby proofing latch on it. Roomie asks like a toddler, gets baby-proofed like a toddler.
1†
Wouldn't compromising be sharing the task? It's only fair to take turns putting the seat up and down if the toilet is shared equally by penises and vaginas. It takes like five seconds tops to look first and move it. You said it yourself- it's a pretty insignificant task.
1†
Not the seat. The lid. And it's not 50:50 of seat needing to be up vs. down, even if he poops once a year it would mean the seat needs to be down more than up. If you close the lid then everyone has to put it up. That's equal, that's what I'm asking for!
It's not the needing to sit factor, it's the hygiene!
11
As someone else mentioned in this thread, the hygiene thing has been debunked. There's shit everywhere, always, no matter whether or not the lid is up. I'd try to accept that fact, since it's pretty contrary to your argument
2†
This makes as much sense as, "Well, my hands will get dirty again anyway so I might as well never wash them." Prevention has kept us from dealing with a plethora of nasty diseases. I don't see what's so unreasonable about asking her roommate to help keep things a little more hygienic.
1
I realize my comment sounded pretty aggressive, so I'll take a step back. I see no issue with having a preference and asking compromise from a roommate.
What I mean to suggest is that if it's hygiene that worries her, maybe it'll relieve her to find out that it doesn't make much of a difference. You can't seriously compare this to washing your hands. I mean hospitals, the #1 place for concern about spreading diseases and germs, don't typically have toilet seat lids.
3
I made a cutesy sign to go over my toilet about keeping the lid down. My reason though is that my idiot cat drinks out of it and I don't want his stupid sensitive stomach reacting to whatever nonsense is in there. Come up with a reason everyone can sympathize with ("I'm afraid I'm gonna knock your toothbrush into it", "I've dropped my phone in three times", "The flushing noise is so loud that it wakes me up", etc.) since people can sometimes not really care about germs or whatever. If he's agreed to do it but doesn't remember to, make a sign to go over the toilet. That also serves to tell guests to do it without you having to remember to ask them.
1
Seems like you have already had a chat about this. How is he with cleaning and such? Is he a good roommate otherwise? If so, I'd accept this small thing, but probably store it in a corner of my brain somewhere for the next time he asks me to compromise on something and it is inconvenient.
If he is a bad roommate anyway, I would take this as an invitation to stop thinking about him or considering him in any way, shape or form.
Stop doing anything that makes his life more comfortable but yours more inconvenient. No more cleaning up after him, no more getting him stuff when you're already going to the grocery store, no more sharing food, no more reminding him to buy something, and so on.
Close the toilet lid completely. Stop sharing TP, it's BYOTP from now on. If you leave tampon boxes and pads in your room, stop doing that now and leave them out in the loo if that is more convenient for you.
Keep it short and curt, stop the emotional labour of listening to him. Thinking of his comfort is a courtesy he lost when he didn't extend you the same.
Be aware that this will most certainly escalate the situation - so only do it if you don't care about him as a friend, and don't plan on living with him again.
I'm quite the bitch and can live with the tension such actions provoke - if you're unable to stand this, please don't follow my advice.
This is what I'm talking about though. Lid, not seat. This is why I don't want to keep my tampons/pads and toothbrush in the bathroom.
Keep them in a drawer or get a small bathroom cabinet. Don't escalate such a minor issue or you're going to be labeled the uptight roommate who's difficult to live with.
We don't have those under-sink cabinets. If I'm renting a place I certainly am not going to invest a hundred bucks on one!
Roomie should close the damn lid. Until they do, get one of those hella cheap plastic shoe boxes and toothbrush covers from amazon/target/daiso/etc.
You can get a cheap one at Target for $30-$40.