The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 4

This is a post chronicling me vs my big brother Brandon in a pick 'em pool against the spread in the NFL. I watch too much football, and he watches 1 game a year, and its for the buffet at our Super Bowl party. He's off to an early lead beating me all 3 weeks thus far. While this isn't a good look for me or my degenerate status, I know that the season is a marathon, not a sprint. Now, enough with the cliches and onto week 4.

Week 3 Review: 10 right... he got 10 right

sigh

YTD Brandon 24-20 Gary 18-26

Saints -3@ Dolphins

Brandon - Dolphins: He's continuing his theory that the Americans are at war with religion. The fact that it's the SAINTS leads him to believe that they are the enemy and the American people need to look to the highly intelligent race that is the dolphin. Thus he believes the Dolphins will cover. He never ceases to amaze and confuse me.

Gary - Saints: New Orleans has no defense, Miami has no defense. However, New Orleans ranks 3rd in offensive DVOA. Now I understand that doesn't mean everything, but when the Dolphins haven't shown life in their offence either, it's hard pick them, even at home. To me, this is a slam dunk.

Bills +4@ Falcons

Brandon - Bills: Bills are people too apparently. Also, they use rifles with great proficiency, and have a particular aptitude for skeet shooting, or "skeet skeet shooting" as Brandon put it. These are the things you learn when you have a crazy person as a brother. So he says the Bills will "shoot those damn birds out of the sky," which I take to mean cover the spread.

Gary - Bills: This one was hard. Nothing about the Bills has jumped off the page at me. They don't look to be of anything special. However what they have shown is the ability to always be in games. They are 3-0 against the spread. Call it grit, call it coincidence, call it whatever you want, but I'm taking them here.

Bengals -3@ Browns

Brandon - Bengals: He started by questioning what a Bengal tiger is and where they come from. Great, now he's googling it..... India, China, Myanmar and Bangladesh, for those that are wondering... Followed by us arguing why its called a Bengal tiger and not a Bengla tiger. I don't know who is winning. So anyways, tigers vs a colour, he made his mind up pretty quick.

Gary - Browns: To me, last weeks effort against an injured Green Bay team was smoke and mirrors. I have watched every painful Bengal game this year, and I can't with any confidence say that they could win any game by more than a field goal.

Rams +7.5@ Cowboys

Brandon - Cowboys: He REALLY hates the Cowboys, or "The Mean Cowboys" as he calls them, because of the movie The Little Giants. That movie had more of an effect on him more than I every could have thought. He's letting his emotions alter his picks. Hopefully this bodes well for me.

Gary - Rams: This LA team has been fun to watch at the very least. They dismantled the Colts in week one, put up huge numbers against San Francisco last week and even put up a fight with Washington. 7 points is too much.

Lions PICK@ Vikings

Brandon - Vikings: I think he thinks this is the BC Lions. Disclaimer, we are from coastal British Columbia, Canada. Slam dunk he says. Vikings win because Lions can't swim.

Gary - Lions: They look good to me. Their offense is yet to get moving and I think against a flawed D like Minnesota, Matt Stafford could have a great game. Plus the Lions Defense is overachieving my pre-season expectations and it looks sustainable. I predict a blowout by Detroit.

Panthers +9@ Patriots

Brandon - Patriots: "Tom Brady is faster than cats." I'm just impressed he knows who Brady is.

Gary - Panthers: Funny enough, the Panthers have a higher overall DVOA than Tom Brady and the island of misfit toys. Patriots will win this game. But nine points is hard to take from the literal worst D in the NFL. And it's not close.

Jaguars -3.5@ "Jets"

Brandon - Jaguars: His conundrum comes in the form of a paradox. He says the only team that can get in the Jaguars way is the Jags themselves. He actually sounded like an analyst there, only adding to the fact that I hate playing against him in this stupid contest.

Gary - Jaguars: The jets are so bad I forgot to capitalize they're team name at the start of this sentence and I haven't gone back to fix it.

Steelers -3@ Ravens.

Brandon - Steelers: So the big ol' steel workers are going to build a big ol' birdcage and put Flacco and the boys in. And you can't argue with that.

Gary - Steelers: Can anyone explain to me using logic how a team with Mike Glennon as their starting QB managed to beat this Steelers team? I can't. I'm going to chalk it up to a statistic anomaly, and sweep it under the rug. Didn't I say enough with the cliches? I've been using them a lot this week.

Titans -1.5@ Texans

Brandon - Texans: He's been mad because he keeps trying to get me to include some coloration between the Titans and enormous breasts, and I refuse to oblige. Then taking a stance that *everything is bigger in Texas", and even though a Titan is a large world ruling creature, they will fall to the clearly bigger Texans.

Gary - Titans: I mean sure, the Texans almost beat the Patriots last week. But didn't I mention how awful the Pats defense is? Titans have been putting up some pretty good numbers against formidable opponents. I see them winning this game and with a spread that small, I have to take them.

49ers +7@ Cardinals

Brandon - Cardinals: He's calling them the 56ers because they are 7 point underdogs. Very clever. He also wishes they were they would be called the 69ers because he's 6 years old. Because he can't find anything funny about the 9ers he's going with the favourites.

Gary - 49ers: Please don't ask me why I'm making this pick. I really couldnt tell you. I have strong gut feeling and I never listen to it. So I guess you could call this a test pick to see if my gut is a total moron or not.

Eagles PICK@ Chargers

Brandon - Chargers I just showed him a picture of Boltman. For those of you who don't know this glorious son of a bitch, google him, your life will be improved. He says that Boltman looks like a tool, a tool you use to obtain VICTORY. So they will win, on that fact alone.

Gary - Eagles: I'm picking the more balanced team. It's that simple.

Gaints+3@ **Buccaneers

Brandon - Buccaneers: The Buccaneers will use cannon warfare to defeat the Giants. I tell you,this guy could write a fantasy novel

Gary - Buccaneers: I'm still refusing to take any team that still starts Eli Manning. He's not the Super Bowl MVP anymore. I'm sorry Giants fans, but it's true.

Raiders +2.5@ Broncos

Brandon - Broncos: Raiders raid the lands, and take the horses. But a horse just stays a horse, true to the ground under its galloping hooves. You can steal a horse, ride a horse, nurture a horse, even love a horse. However, you can never own a horse. Therefore advantage Broncos.

Gary - Raiders: Who are the Broncos? Beating Dallas then losing to the Bills? It doesn't add up. Plus, Carr is pretty good at football and so is the offensive line.

Colts +13@ Seahawks

Brandon - Colts: He's calling a Seattle loss here. What little he knows about the NFL, he knows the Seahawks are trash because they are our "local" team.

Gary - Colts: Easier than it looks. Seattle has a hard time putting up 13 points, let alone winning by that much.

Redskins +7@ Chiefs

Brandon - "It's a battle of racist team names!" Followed by, "fuck the Chiefs...." as they are my team.

Gary - Chiefs: Easy pick. I'm going with my boys and calling a final score of 34-10.

I'm really enjoying writing this, whether anyone is reading it or not. However, I would like to keep doing it and writing other pieces as well so if any of you have feedback, positive or negative let me know. If you so choose you can follow me on the twitter machine @TheGaryKozchuck. I'm also trying to figure out a way to put this in podcast form so if any of you would like something like that, then let me know so I can work more vigilantly on it. Thanks, and happy betting.