First Ever Poem: Train to a Chair

Feedback Received!

Revised:  

Train to a Chair

an infinite world
to do as we may

free to skateboard all day
then perfect your flambe

blast your favorite tune
with a glass of wine at noon

spend time overseas
makin’ new friends with ease

win at hide and seek
against a black cat named meek

no matter the event...
that makes your heart content..

one thing we share,
that feeling of despair

come Monday morning:
a train to a chair

 

 

Original:  

an infinite world
to do what you love

make some great food,
chill with your dude

go to the gym,
sing your favorite hymn

spend time in nature,
or seek out some danger

travel the world,
play with your new baby girl

no matter the event...
that makes your heart content..

one thing we share,
that feeling of despair

come Monday morning:
a train to a chair

 

 

My Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/74aw3a/content/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/74b6no/ill_remember_your_smile/

Posted Oct 5, 2017, 1:49 AM UTC · edited

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