I tried again tonight.

I couldn't give you a reason why, either. I have career and family that loves me. I just get in these ruts that I can't dig myself out of. It's a constant revolving door of suicidal thoughts. It's not every day I feel it, but on nights like tonight that's all I want. I know what triggered me and put me in that downward spiral tonight and it's stupid. I just still can't get over wanting to just die. Experience peace at its fullest. Every time I try, though, I can go through with it. I can't cut deep enough after many tries. I gave my gun away to my friend for this very reason. I asked for it back today, luckily she was working. This was my first time attempting to hang myself. My weight was too much for the closet rail. I'm not seeking a pity party. I don't want apologies or well wishes. I want to not feel this way...completely numb. Sorry reddit, I literally have no one else to talk to and I just needed to get that out there.