the [23M] guy I [23F] was dating broke up with me before our relationship started

about a month and a half ago, i unexpectedly started dating my good friends’ best friend. she had been telling me that he was interested in me ~5 months before, but i was dating someone else and just never took her seriously. i had met him a few times before, and found him attractive, but just never thought we would work out for various reasons (my own bias that attractive people are assholes, he was dating a crazy girl at one point, etc.)

we got started with a drunken hookup, which is not the norm for me. i usually date men for at least a few months before having sex. the day i decided to end things with a guy i had been seeing for 6+ months, my friend invited him to the bar with us and i happened to be telling her about how i decided to end things with the 6+ month guy in front of him. the moment i said that, he looked at me and said “we’re hanging out on Sunday” (it was Friday). we went back to my place as a group to hang out, one thing led to another, my friend left, and he made a move on me. the connection was immediate, so i decided to go for it, but i assumed that since we had sex so quickly we would never amount to anything serious. i told him he could leave afterwards if he wanted, and he just laughed and pulled me into his arms.

to make a long story short, we ended up having a whirlwind of a late summer romance. we went on amazing dates out during the day and night, stayed in bed together all day, everything. he was the picture of affection and gentlemanly towards me, always thinking of what i would want and making it happen. i’ve never fallen for someone so quickly before, and at first i was hesitant - but he was patient and i eventually let myself open up to him. in my other involvements with men, they’ve always been closed off, aloof, trying to play a game, and generally not outwardly affectionate. he was the opposite - always unafraid to tell me how he felt, how he enjoyed spending time with me, etc. without being overly demonstrative, jealous, or demanding of my time. my friend who set us up confirmed that he really liked me too. i fell hard.

then, last week, he brought up a DTR conversation where he told me that he really enjoys my company and likes making me happy, he’s never met someone like me before, etc. but that he’s been in unhealthy relationship after unhealthy relationship since high school - and after the last one (2 years long) with a particularly crazy girl that ended 6 months ago, he told himself that he’d be single for a while to work on himself. he is also in a different place of life than me (still finishing undergrad after a year break in which he was a very well paid waiter at a well known restaurant, cutting ties with the bad people he met there who did hard drugs all the time, etc., while i’ve been in the corporate world for +2 years now). he didn’t expect to like me this much this quickly, just as i didn’t expect it, and rather than jump into a relationship with me, he had to keep the promise he made to himself. it was a very emotional conversation, and i told him i’d think about whether or not i wanted to be patient and wait for him to get better or leave. he agreed, and i proceeded to spend the night and have an amazing day with him the next day (as usual, despite the heaviness of our convo).

after i left, i sent him a message saying that i’d be willing to wait for him to be ready for commitment and continue dating. a few days later, he called me and said that he thought he’d feel better after being honest with me, but still felt worried because he thought i would still get hurt and that he didn’t think he could handle not giving me what he thought i deserved, so we should just end things for now. even though i admittedly said some slightly bargaining phrases in an attempt to understand, i was calm in the moment and understood.

it’s been less than a week since we had that conversation, and i’m devastated. i miss him all the time, especially in the morning and night. i’ve never felt like this about someone so quickly - the depth of the emotions i feel are like ones that would come from a year+ breakup, not a 1 month casual dating period. it’s the worst because there was nothing wrong besides his past hang ups - we never fought - it was just effortless.

i feel like i’m being nonsensical, missing him so much after such a short period, but it’s killing me. i haven’t reached back out to him, but i’ve seriously considered it many times but haven’t at the last second to give him space (and keep my dignity). i just wonder if he feels the way i do, if he misses me as much as i miss him, and if there’s any shot we can try it again in the future.

it feels so unfair that i can’t fix any of the problems he has that prevent him from being with me, and that so many other shitty girls dated him before me and fucked him up.

i feel like i’ll always wonder “what if”, since we didn’t get to give it a proper try. i would like to be friends with him, and honestly more than that, but if i can’t have more i would at least like to be friendly. it feels like there’s a gaping hole where he used to be. i’m not interested in dating other men right now, but i don’t know how to deal with these emotions. my friends have been great, supportive, checking in etc, and i’ve thrown myself into work and my platonic relationships- all the things you’re supposed to do after a break up. but i’m still so sad - i just want to be with him, and i feel like my chance got stolen away from me.

TL;DR i started dating someone and things moved very fast - then he said he wasn’t ready to date and has to stop dating me because he can’t give me what i deserve. I’m super sad about it. can i ever be friends with him again? will we get a chance to be together? how do i deal with this?