Sex or Intimacy or Validation?

When I read unsuccessful male users on PPD speak about lack of empathy about man's sexual plight. It always seems to circle back to:

"its not just about sex"

This is usually said in response to "Just see a prostitute" as it's not viable because a prostitute is not acting out of desire but is only financially motivated. It's not "authentic" enough.

Looking at it from this angle it's clear that it's more than the pleasurable stimulation of nerve endings that is sought.

The need to feel wanted or desired for more than a superficial reasons is something all humans can empathise with. So then it becomes a question of what is really the things that's lacking? Is it the sex? Intimacy or validation?

If it's the Sex

Sex is for the most part is fun, and pleasurable and results in orgasms - For men. Women by and large cannot assume a pleasurable experience will result from the act of sex alone. Often times it turns out to be the opposite.

Many complainers forget this crucial aspect that for many women, "sex" =/= "pleasure" without other factors playing into it. Therefore the ability to simply get any sex for women doesn't rate that highly. Why would it? Since the odds for getting pleasure from a potential skew heavily against that outcome. So sex (on its own) from the other side will have inherently less value.

If it's the Intimacy

"Intimacy", "love" whatever you want to call it, is not guaranteed result of getting sex. As many women can attest. "Pumped and dumped" is a phrase because it actually describes being used for a man's superficial motive of "because it my dick feels good" and nothing more.

If intimacy is the metric then you can argue that women struggle to get it as much as men do. Finding someone that you emotionally 'click' with is difficult regardless of gender.

If it's the Validation

This one makes the most sense to me as what the true deficiency is. Validation. As a man (or woman), if sex and relationships is your only means of validation then the lack of it will send you into a spiral of misery.

A comment from another thread mentioned observing college students who were "happy virgins" they tended to be high achievers. Showing that their lack of misery was due to drawing fulfilment and validation from another aspect of life.

Basically they had more shit going on than just "sex and relationships". Lack of sex is a problem because of lack of validation (otherwise, see a prostitute). So change the way you validate yourself.

So I say that the reason there is so much complaining about not getting "sex" or "love" is not because of the actual scarcity, it's because those complaints are coming from the type of people that centre their entire self-esteem around "sex and relationships"

TL;DR: The "unfairness" many perceive in the sexual dating market from a lack of understanding women's struggle. Finding sex is easy but holds less value because no guaranteed pleasure. Finding intimacy or love is just as difficult for both sides. Finding validation is about an individual's mental state. And should stop using sex as their only metric.

and why I roll my eyes at men and women who do this.

Seeking validation