Thinking bad about myself

I started HRT DIY 9 month ago because my desire being female was all over the place. I had almost all symptoms of being trans, I was a typical egg before I came out in the summer 2016. The long time depression and gender euphoria when daily experimenting was two big puzzle parts of my realization.

I started DIY because I knew I had to wait 2 years until legal HRT due the rules in my country. I didn't want to be trans, but I felt that I had to try HRT and stop "further masculinazion", if that's spelled that way(?). So my general feeling wasn't "Yeees I'm so happy beginning with HRT". It was more like "Oh gosh I have to do this". I had no idea what to expect, it was so scary, I just felt that I HAD to do it. My own "logical" reason to start HRT asap was that I will save more time in the future to live as the girl I have dreamed about. My desire was really strong Pre-HRT.

The thing is, it hasn't been an easy journey (no shit?). I have been fighting with myself almost all the time. I have been lonely, locked myself into my apartment, I have been saying no to events, I changed job, and I have a desire to move to another (nearby/or not) city.

Today, 9 months HRT I'm feeling that the desire to transition is fading away, and that's scary as f***. I have started to get thoughts like these "Go back, it was easier before transition, you had a hot girlfriend and a perfect facade in social media and everyone thought that you was a successful business-man, you was simply said Normal". And this type of thought (spelling?) is making me consider stop HRT. BUT, is it my own transphobia talking? If so, these thoughts can go to hell.

I do have problem of simply go out from my apartment. Despite no problem with money I often starting the day without breakfast because I can't go the the supermarket, in fear of people thinking im crazy and a monster. And that's what I'm working on with the gender therapist right now. I grew up with a conservative way of thinking about other people, classic stereotypes, everything not female/male is a strange. I don't like myself and my parents for this. I am putting my thoughts on others.

Is this normal and did you overcome these thoughts? Is this a part of the accepting or is it a general problem which isn't trans related?