DAE feel hurt but nobody hurt them?

Like you’re lonely but you’re surrounded by loved ones every single day? Like your happy but sad? Like you can’t decide if you want to sit alone in misery or go out to fake it to bring a smile to your face? Like you want to get away but can’t stand to lose the people around you? Like you’re in a rut but you really have almost everything you want / need? Like you’re looking for things to upset you and taking it out on people around you?

I can’t help but shake the feeling, and people will ask me to go out and I won’t even let them know I’m upset but sometimes I want someone to come to me. Like I’m having a private pity party for myself and only invited myself. I have a loving girlfriend who I would love to keep forever, a supportive family, and even too many friends to count but sometimes that’s not enough for me. When I’m alone I can’t find anything else to make me happy so I just scroll endlessly on the internet.

What do I do? How do I soul search? How do I find peace in my own mind? I don’t want to hear “depression,” because that won’t help, please.