27 Oct 2017: Sympathetic, not empathetic

From the dictionary for "empathy": The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

I have Asperger's Syndrome. For those who don't know, that means I'm on the high-functioning end of the autistic spectrum. I'm reasonably intelligent and can write pretty well, but I have a very difficult time picking up on social cues or being comfortable in social situations with people I don't know. I have routines I like to stick to, and don't like them to be interrupted. I obsessively fixate on hobbies for a small period of time, then get bored with them.

I also, for the most part, cannot feel empathy. Let me explain:

When I say or do something to upset someone, or generally show myself to be socially inept, I won't know unless it's explained to me. And even if I understand why I upset somebody, it doesn't make sense to me, and it feels like I don't really understand it. If, for example, I said something to offend you in a conversation, you'd have to make it known to me that you were offended, and I will (profusely) apologize for it. However, in the back of my head, I will be going "Why is she/he upset? It's not a big deal. Why do people get angry over the things I say? I don't get it."

I never get it. I'm on a different wavelength than most people in terms of how I talk/think (not in a good or bad way, just differently), so the best I can do is apologize and hope I don't do it again.

From the dictionary for "sympathy": feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.

That, on the other hand, I feel profoundly, on a regular basis, for people I have never met. Probably the biggest example of this in my mind is trans people - I know and am friends with some, and hearing the shit they have to deal with for expressing who they truly are absolutely breaks my heart. It eventually manifested into a romantic attraction to transwomen, which I am deeply self-conscious about and keep to myself to avoid potentially becoming a chaser.

If I see a person who is upset, or feeling alone, or who thinks nobody is there for them, my instinct is to do whatever I can to help them. Nothing makes me happier then hearing someone tell me that I made their day better, or that being friends with me helps them get through difficult times. I have been hurt both by people close to me and complete strangers, and because I don't want others to feel that hurt, I do what I can to alleviate it.

Honestly, I just get really fucking sad when I see somebody being cruel or a bully on reddit, and seeing someone else being attacked or threatened by a group of people, and my instinct is always to reach out to them. I may not understand why I upset others, but I know when others are upset. Maybe due to my lack of empathy, I developed profound sympathy to make up for it. After all, what better way is there to show you're a good person after saying/doing something insensitive than by reaching out to someone else who was hurt by something that was insensitive?

This was a bit of a ramble, but hopefully I got my point across.