Darkness eh?

Hello all,

It seems that life has taken a huge dark turn. Please also bear, I'm incredibly analytical of what I'm experiencing.

I went to a professional counselor and opened up a can of worms in my head. I've lost a good chuck of my friends as they say I've changed. I immediately recognized these people aren't friends. My friends don't check in with me as I do with them, I can only recall one person who did so. If I don't do this, they fade away. I've accepted this fate and well, I find myself every day after work, well, sitting here in front of this computer.

As for friendships, I enjoy taking people out with me on things I like to see. I cook and entertained them with a huge array of dishes that most peers cannot cook. Yet, in the end, it seems that after attempting in attracting folks with thoughtfulness, foods, and strong attention to their lives, they know so little of me.

Anyways, fast forward to about two weeks ago. From someone who was taught to be emotionless and drive forwards as a child, I'm now feeling and understanding the concept of loneliness. Robot life.

At first, I welcomed it, and I embraced the wave of whatever it is that comes with it. After about two weeks of feeling it, I find myself asking a question:

What fills that void? Why is there a need to fill it? If I know and wish to live a single life, why do I need company?

Why is it that causes my body to chemically change to react to an environment? What does me now embracing myself have to do with depression and feelings of loneliness?

Why am I not able to override my emotions as I did before with logic based reasoning to keep myself going?