Thought I have moved on but still stuck

Hi internet people

So he broke up with me one month ago after being together for 3.5 years.

First week - living hell, I did the cry, beg, plead things and basically texted and called him. He got so annoyed and told me that “Thanks for making me assured that I have made the right decision”

Second & third week were a blur - lots of crying & was suffering from food poisoning and gastric. Lost 4kgs. Went out with friends and met him once for lunch. He teared a little when we talked. He walked closely next to me. Hugged me twice. He sounded like he is sad that we didn’t work and he said he is not sure whether he will regret. Oh well, I am not gonna sit around and be your backup plan so I stared no contact. It worked. He texted me with a weird question so I replied him coldly & continued NC afterwards.

Fourth week - I went to gym and exercise twice this week. Spent time with friends. I messaged him when I saw his car in school, just wanted to catch up. He was enthusiastic at the start but it’s obvious that he has lost interest so i cut it off by wishing him a great weekend ahead.

& all these feelings that i have in me start stirring up. I miss him like crazy. I thought I have moved on for good.. He texted me later that day and told me about Stranger Things 2. We both watch that show but man, I couldn’t watch it alone. So i asked him whether he would wanna watch it together... so he replied with zero interest again.. I dont know what am i doing.

A part of me wants to get back together, a part of me just wants to be his friend because we share similar interests. A part of me is worried that being his friend serves me as his backup plan :(

I know I am nothing more than his backup now but I am so stupid to still want to going back for more