Losing my religion

I'm posting this here because r/depression got me nowhere. I have been a believer since I was 8. At a time I thought my faith was unshakable, that no force could alter it. At this point in time my faith his hanging by a thread, I don't even want to live anymore. I'm tired of being depressed and lonesome. I've struggled with this for the last six months. I don't remember the passage but the point is there were two brothers and god hardened one of them, basically using his life as a lesson of what not to be. I feel god is putting me in that situation if god is even real. I was raised Christian and don't want to die an unbeliever but it's so hard for me to have faith at this point. On the rare occasion I attend church I leave frustrated. All of these people have a connection to god or some epiphany, or life meaning. I have a great job and wonderful family but at the end of the day I feel like ending it all. Idk what to do anymore, please help me.