I am so tired of always being single - and getting tired of this life - [38 M]

I just turned 38. It really kind of gets bad on the weekends. Like I know it’s only me, and only will be me for the rest of my life. I have absolutely zero expectation, hope, or otherwise that my situation will change any time soon.

Why is it everybody else gets to be the boyfriend? I’ve spent my whole life never getting to be the “ultimate”. The “amaze balls.” The super ultra crazy in love guy who also gets loved back. I am sorry I know I am supposed to not “put girls on pedestals” but I have and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. If I have to become a mean asshole to get a girlfriend, then I won’t ever have one apparently because I can’t be that kind of person. Sorry to disappoint any guys on Reddit.

Oh I have had plenty of crushes sure. I have gotten to asking some out. But it’s always the same.

get close to asking “will you go out with me?” “I have a boyfriend.”

I am in love with you. to my crush for years after we were reunited and talking every day for six months. I am sorry, I don’t feel that way about you.

Sigh. Just once I want to meet somebody who is single and who also wants to fuck me silly. You know like have some freaky fun before I get too old or disabled to enjoy it.

Why can’t I have a pretty woman to do that with like everybody else who seemingly can do it without lifting a finger? It really feels like sometimes it will take moving mountains just to get to a first date, nevermind a first kiss. Nevermind even feeling a breast for the first time.

Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?