Recent breakup throwing me for a loop

I was diagnosed with MS just this September and I've honestly had a hard time coping with it. I've had serious depression and anxiety and I've secretly been dealing with suicidal ideation as well. I'm on 75mg effexor but I've never felt like anti depressants help me. So, with all this I was on a leave of absence at work and fell really far into the rabbit hole. I wasn't getting any financial help, Medicaid denied me, I'm steadily getting thousands of dollars in medical bills every couple weeks just piling up. I've let a lot of credit cards go to collections, I've just given up on it. My boyfriend of nearly 6 years, has been paying all the bills and that's just added to the stress and guilt... Well, a few hours ago we discussed how we're both unhappy.... He says it's not the money but that's obviously a huge factor. He's recently taken a stressful position at work and he's been going to school for a couple semesters now, so his stress level is high. With this, I feel he just hasn't made time for me at all and I've tried repeatedly to work on doing stuff together and he had zero interest and rejects me every time. During our conversation we both established we should break up. He says he feels bad because of my recent diagnosis, but I told him I don't blame him, it'd be horrible of me to expect someone to take care of me and stay with me through a disease that's only going to get worse and debilitate me further. I just feel... Distraught. I'm lonely, I still love him, I hate myself. I just. I don't know how to deal with any of this, I feel paralyzed by my anxiety constantly, I've recently tried going back to work and I'm struggling and accruing absences already. I can't take this. It's too much to deal with. This is by far the worst year of my life being diagnosed, losing some physical capabilities, the intense depression, losing my 6 year relationship and what I thought was the love of my life... I'm sorry for all the doom and gloom, I know a lot of people are struggling with even more than I on this subreddit and still finding ways to be positive... But I'm not in a good place so there's no use in pretending anymore. I'm not ok.