EA - E-hockey Anonymous

My name is SpillGal and I'm an addict. My addiction is to E-hockey.
For the latest 25 years my preferred drug has been EA's NHL and I have now realized that I will always be addicted to this.
I have decided to stop playing, because it has slowly turned me into a monster, throwing controllers while screaming "PICK UP THE GODDAMN PUCK!" Scaring the cat and teaching my son more four-letter words, than he should know at his age.

My addiction started back with Nintendo's Blades of Steel and this game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kXVFCfBWoQ
We would skip school and go to a mall that had this on playable display.
I failed in math that year, but was a son of a God in that game.
I realize now, I should have seen the warning signs flashing.

EAs NHL 94 hit us like a bomb.
We would gather up ten friends, buy a few six packs and play these huge tourneys.
Oh, the honor of winning those!!
Those nights would end up in going to clubs, chasing girls.
But if you had no luck with the girls, you could always go back to finish up the beers while having another go at taking home a title.
To me, those were both happy endings.
Oh, glory days!

I went to the army and brought my beloved Super Nintendo.
In a six-man room, we had the same tourneys with just as much excitement and joy.
We had officers skipping their duties to participate in our tourneys.
You could hear us all over camp.
Looking back at it now, it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth as I'm afraid I might have created a few fellow addicts. I sure hope not.

Come 2004, and I was playing online. It was great.
Made a friend in New York, which were fantastic at that time, with me being in Oslo.
This also helped my English skills.
He once asked me "Do you fancy buds?" and I thought he was gay.
Turned out buds have more meanings than "buddies".
We would play best of fives or sevens, with pauses where I fetched more beer while he was lighting up.
It was always a bit easier for a little while, after those breaks.

As fantastic as online gaming was it also brought LAG. How I hate that word.
It has made me drill holes in my walls and shell out hundreds in modems, routers and switches.
I have learned a lot about network technology and are familiar with terms like port forwarding and IP4 vs IP6.
I have also wasted a lot of time on endless email conversations with EA support.
All of this has resulted in nothing else than realizing that my drug of choice is a title that are "Not prioritized".

My habit has gone from something I did with my friends, to the point where I find myself doing it alone.
I have been supposed to be redecorating, studying or working when the urge has hit me.
I would think "One shot, you deserve a break now".
Then "Just one more" and then "Just one more" suddenly I have blown the whole evening,
leaving me with little but anger over glitches and automated gameplay.

My dealer is mixing up the product, ever so often.
A yearly main with so-called patches in between.
He's stating these are for the betterment of his product,
but I am sure I can see that little smirk on his face as I can tell it's not as good as it used to be.
He is just thinning out the product, putting more of the profit into his own pockets.
But I keep coming back, chasing that high.
I'll come close from time to time, but it's longer and longer stretches between those moments.
In response to my dealer's cheapness, I have decided to not buy it from him anymore.
I can find it second hand elsewhere.
He's trying all these tricks with flashy coating and cooler packs that you only can get from him,
but I've been waiting it out, standing strong.

This year, I was calling my local Game Stop numerous times,
asking with more and more urgeness in my shivering voice "You have a used copy of NHL 18"?
The day they answered Yes, I would have to go through rush traffic costing me an extra hour.
Did the drive yelling at other drivers to get out of my way.
In response I got tired, hungry looks from puzzled faces headed home for dinner.
How could they know I was on my way to hopefully feel some relief?
I could feel the excitement starting to bubble inside me.
Turned out they had misinformed me, there was no used NHL 18 there, but we have new ones …
I cursed my addiction, caved in and handed over the money thinking how the house always wins.

The disappointment in my wife's eyes, when she saw what I brought home should have made me stop
but I was too selfish, too eager for my dose.
The product was thinner than ever, didn't even give me a little buzz.
My dealer has even included some furry animals to the mix, now.
Guess he thinks I'm so strung out, that I just don't care.
Now I can't play the game with children around.
Me smashing that mascot on his ass, there's some nightmare-inducing shit for you.
Guess I should be glad though, as this has made my decision to stop easier.

In a sick and twisted way, I hope that dealer is saving himself out of business,
so a new one can pick it up and make that great stuff again.
Sick and twisted, because I know I would not be strong enough to resist it.

Thanks for listening to my story, I am now clean on the 18th hour.
I'm gonna take one day at a time and stay strong.
For my fellow addicts still out there: know that we are here, we know what you go through, you're not alone!