Concerned about consequences of a diagnosis

Hi all,

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (female, 25), and I have a father who almost certainly has Asperger's (he is undiagnosed, as far as I am aware, and I don't believe he will ever seek a diagnosis despite displaying symptoms to a significant degree).

This past year, I've come to the realization that I can be quite bad at registering my feelings about things, and thus have only recently noticed that the social difficulties which plagued my childhood still cause me stress and anxiety.

As a child, I was extremely socially anxious, resistant to playing with other children, and being around people who were not my immediate family. I'd always refuse to talk to people like shop assistants, etc.- I'd just freeze up because I didn't know what I was supposed to do or say.

I've come a long way, and learned to be more outgoing socially, but I still find it exhausting to 'play the part' of 'normal person' who says the right things at the right time; to figure out how much to share, respond to comments which don't require responses so I don't appear rude, fake some facial expressions, etc. It's lonely and unsatisfying.

It never occurred to me that I might have ASD or something similar until my uncle suggested it when I told him I had ADHD. He cited my childhood dislike of being touched, obsessive interests and repetitive behaviour as potential indicators. I told him I didn't think so, because the limited reading I'd done on autism at the time emphasized 'lack of empathy' as a characteristic, which was uncomfortable for me to contemplate.

Knowing more about Asperger's now, I think it's possible that I have it, however, I have doubts about whether I should pursue this line of thought even though I know that there are potential benefits to an accurate assessment one way or another.

I worry that it would mean that the social ease and self confidence I've longed to acquire all my life is simply unattainable. I worry about possessing some of my father's traits. I'm concerned that I might be 'making excuses' for my failures in life, or for limiting myself in the future, or making something out of nothing. Should I just keep it to myself, is it even worth considering?

Has anyone here had similar concerns, how did you proceed? Has finding out you may/have Asperger's been beneficial or detrimental to you?

Thanks :)