we broke our goddamn hearts again

first and second

I walk-
no stumbleror
trip over my 
purrrfect 
clumzee
feet-
into a room
with p u m p kin spice candullll

in my head, I fall, free fall for 
several seconds, much too slow
for reality...
I fall to my knees,
  fall in my head down
                o o
                w w 
                n n
                            
it gets better ev
                    er 
                     
                    e
                       time

that feeling

it's lust 
     love
     rush
it's feel
it's tears for the past
I've saved in a palace 
                    p  l a c e 
that only I understand 

which accomplishes 
everything except 

well you know what I'm on about

here I am, writing love letters
no
rants
not poems, only
passive 
  agg
     rsive 
GOD DAMNIT 
being self aware
you know
you're the asshole 
you never wanted to be

(hey dad)

you say suddenly: fuck you dad
but by the way,
I'm so afraid
I fell in love
again
      but this time it's different

it's not like walking into a room 
and smells trigger memory
no, this is walking into the memory 
of the first time it happened and 
realizing just how stupid you are

hey dad, I'm an idiot 

hey dad, I respect you even though
you don't respect me
   don't deny it (I can't say that)
and dad
you ever love a girl
who told you the same thing 
about her own dad?

say, papa, you made me walk home
from miles away 
miles and in the heat
                    or  cold
right?
and suddenly a mirror appears 
and you seeeeee
    you see
    yourself 
and your own dad 
chasing you 
down
  ow-n
  duh
duh down
down
o
w
n    ...down the street 
with a piece of firewood
all because
you failed 
you failed 
and you'll always fail

well anyway
see, saw 
no just see- I met a person 
for whom I could not 
justify just how perfect 
they are
because to you 
perfect is only Jesus 
and you don't believe

neither does she

oh right! she! 
I wanted to tell you about her

and I'm not even talking to my dad,
so this only gets more confusing

it is NOT 
for the stupid. 

IF you are too dumb, you are 
    NOT 
reading

IF you ARE reading,
hey
    no
      oh fence 
if I think you don't get it

there are few who would 

kind of like- and this is funny-
kind of like how- sorry!- but
you know 

how FEW things in life
are more frightening than
a strangers toilet water
slowly yet so rapidly rising
                                 rising

you don't realize it, but 
you think of the horror
of your feces, your SHIT
on the toilet paper 
on the floor
spilt over the edge ...and

how terrifying? 

little is THAT scary in life

not as scary as giving your heart gift wrapped in the stupidity of your past 
just hoping that it's enough and you think even if she doesn't 
that you're as good for her as she is for you

it's worse when it appears she thinks the same thing 

my point was...is
you
none of you understand 

and by none I mean most

because most?

most aren't stupid, but are incredibly 

dumb.