Source
r/breakingmom•
osteons

A petty rant about easy babies.

confession

I am on mobile, so I apologize for not flaring. I just have to get this off my chest. I feel awful. I am so jealous and a bit bitter. This is long.

My friend just had a baby. Her baby girl is apparently a dream baby and she literally just sent me a text that said, "I feel so rested!"

Kill me now.

I did not expect it to bother me so much, but I honestly feel like I could break down and cry right now. This is not the only easy baby I know. In fact, it seems like most kids I know are/were easy babies.

My child is very high needs. He has to be in my arms all the time, or touching me in some way. He's almost two and it's always been this way.

My child couldn't breastfeed. I tried for months only to find out he was starving because I had insufficient glandular tissue.

My child didn't tolerate formula and we kept having to switch to find one he could somewhat tolerate. It was awful.

My child had reflux and would projectile vomit across the room. It didn't stop until he was about six months old, and it still happened quite a few times until he was about a year old.

My child would not sleep. I didn't sleep at all for the first week of his life. He wanted to feed every two hours on the dot, regardless of when he finished his last bottle. So sometimes he would up only after a ten minute snooze. I don't think he slept longer than 3 hours at a single time until he was six months old. He didn't sleep through the night until 15 months. Some nights it is still a battle.

Did I mention that until he was about four months old he would only sleep on me? He had to nap on me until he was 15 months old. I tried desperately every day so I could have some time away from him.

He hated everything for the first several months of his life. They said it was colic. Yes, he stopped crying 24/7 but he is still so temperamental and fussy. If he plays alone for 20 minutes I feel like a new woman. I stare in wonder at babies that sit in car seats or chairs calmly. What is it like to have a kid like that?

My friend's partner seems to really be helping her. I had to beg for help and still did almost everything with our son because he worked and I stayed at home. I mean I get it, but it still sucks.

I have no idea what it's like to have an easy baby, to feel so rested. Literally everything with my child has been a battle. Even my birth was terribly traumatic (hello tearing and reconstruction). I love my son with everything I have and he is my world, but I can't help but feel so jealous. I feel like a failure. Like this is my fault. I just feel really broken today. I even feel really bad that I am not more happy for my friend. I suck.

Posted Nov 9, 2017, 3:31 PM UTC

3638
m2m28•

That sounds SO hard!! I'm so sorry, big hugs to you. With regards to the easy baby... If it's any consolation she'll probably only get harder. I was lulled into a false sense of security when I had a unicorn baby... Then I was completely ill prepared for every hard/clingy/bad sleep stage that came after that.

16
osteonsOP•

Yes, I'm sure that was hard for you. I know even easy babies are very hard work with everything involved. I'm just having a little pity party and it'll pass. Hang in there mama!

5
m2m28•

You're entitled to your pity party by all means! I just wanted to support you in resenting your friend (so totally understand why you do, and here is the safe place to do it!). There will be something that comes up for her where she's struggling and you're thinking inside pfft that's nothing. Then you'll feel like super mom :)

4
MercyMay•

My daughter has been kind of challenging since the start, always a bad sleeper (17 months and still not sleeping through!), always pretty high needs. My niece had a baby two months after I did, and I remember seething with jealousy because basically right away he was waking only once a night and was just very chill.

Well... not that I wished bad sleep on her, but you know what, it didn't last. Some newborns are just extra sleepy. And while he was a decent-ish sleeper for kind of awhile, he still wakes 2-3 times a night now at 15 months.

I was jealous of her easy pregnancy and birth too, and that she didn't have PPD while I literally ended up in the psych ward briefly. But she's a single mom, and I have a really excellent husband who's a great dad too. Everyone has challenges. Just because things seem great for her now doesn't mean they are or will always be.

It's hard though, I super get it. Sometimes I get physically angry just at the words "sleeping through the night."

12
osteonsOP•

Thank you so much. This really helped me. Like you said, I'd never wish anything bad on my friend. I actually really am happy for her, but for one minute I indulged myself and wondered how nice it would be if my son was like her baby when he was a newborn and the jealousy came.

5
oodles5467•

Ok rant time. People lie! Everyone wants the easy BEST baby. I remember being so pissed because my oldest kid was so gassy, he’d only sleep on my chest. We co-slept for a long time. I’d tell people and they’d say “oh we never did that! She slept through the night in the crib from day 1!” And then later I’d hear them reminiscing about driving around at 3 am to get their sobbing infant to sleep.

My DD is a super sweet chill baby. But she is an awful sleeper - she’s 1 and wakes up 2 times a night. My husband brags about how she is happy all the time. She is not! Yes, she’s pretty easy. But I prefer to focus on reality.

10
CairnwynTwo miniature drama queens•

Yup. When people ask me if my baby is easy, I just look at them odd and say, "Well, she's easy for a baby." I mean, all babies are hard fucking work if you're being honest about it. Even easy babies need to eat a lot, have a lot of diaper changes, get fussy, need to be soothed, end up teething, etc., etc. and so on and so forth. She's not a nightmare for sure, but I'm not going to lie and gush about how easy it's all been because infants are HARD work no matter what.

8
oodles5467•

Yes! It makes you feel like such a shit parent when your kid is difficult. Most likely, it is absolutely nothing you are doing wrong and parents with the easy kid don’t have some sort of secret. It’s temperament, biology, whatever.

I’m sure people will say they’re not bragging or trying to make anyone feel bad.

Also, sometimes it helps when I imagine that the bragging parents’ “easy” baby grew up to be a nightmare teenager.

7
LustfulGumby•

If t makes you feel better, these people end up LEVELED once their kid is no longer a baby. Easy baby = you are not prepared for the train wreck that is 1-3. Easy baby does not mean easy kid or easy toddler. It means this is the calm before their storm.

hugs this also means what you go going on won’t last forever and whatever is around the corner is probably going to feel easier than what you got going on now.

Also. These people often fucking lie. So take it with a grain of salt.

9
katarzynawidrainbow hair to reflect the bullshit of modern parenting•

Lol no one feels rested after just having a baby. When your friend continues to spout whatever denial she needs to tell people to feel better about herself laugh into a glass of wine. Cos that bullshit stiiiiiiiiiiiiiinks ☺️

8
osteonsOP•

😂 ok seriously thank you for this comment. I just needed someone snarky to make a silly comment like this. Other things she has texted me:

"She just LOVES sleeping" "I am sleeping so much I forgot to take my medication" "She is so easy"

7
katarzynawidrainbow hair to reflect the bullshit of modern parenting•

Yeah nah I am glad she's doing so well but there's nothing easy about a need that needs you 24/7 at sudden intervals.

4
jfedoga•

Depends on the baby and age. Early babies especially can be super sleepy. We called our baby our "little coma patient" for the first couple weeks because she slept constantly and slept like the dead (it was problem, actually, because she wouldn't even wake to eat on her own and it was very hard to wake her up or keep her awake to eat.) Needless to say, she grew out of this.

5
bitterred•

I think I was a little manic the first three weeks. Like I had all this weird energy even though I wasn't sleeping much. People would comment that they were surprised to see me out and about, but it was just that I hadn't crashed yet.

5
GoingToFlipATable•

You don’t suck! I am a firm believer that the difference between “easy” and “not easy” babies is pure dumb luck and anyone who claims their Magical Mom abilities is the reason they have a good eater/sleeper is totally full of shit.

It’s also totally fair to not feel overjoyed that your friend had good luck and you didn’t. You’re only human!

8
mybabysbacon•

I can't count the number of times I've had to tell my childless (because our parent friends know the reality) friends that, No. We aren't super parents. Actually we got lucky to get such a chill kid. We have no fucking clue what the fuck we are doing, but it seems to work, so we'll keep it up, I guess.

5
jezlie•

This is pretty much my husband and me. We have a super easy chill kid, but we just got lucky. It's not that we have super special parenting ability, just the luck of the draw!

We are already preparing for the very future second child. He/she will be a feral spawn of Satan we're pretty sure, because no way we'll get this lucky twice!

3
GoingToFlipATable•

I thought this too but my second was also easy (though in different ways — DS1 was the better sleeper and DS2 the better nurser). I should probably quit while I’m ahead and not have a third!

2
jezlie•

This is really good to hear! My MIL tells me the same thing. 3 of her 4 were super easy kiddos. The second one was difficult, but 1, 3, and 4 were dream babies. So, I guess luck can hit more than once!

2
IAmALobsterI formed Babby•

Yep. I had an easy baby who is now an easy toddler. And I feel uncomfortable telling people this, because I don’t want to come off like I’m bragging, when I know it’s absolutely fucking nothing I did. Just pure dumb luck like you said. And it could change tomorrow, who knows?

5
kiki_The_blonde•

I loved this article on the subject: http://www.scarymommy.com/never-trust-a-trick-baby/?utm_source=FB

and since you don't have time to read it, the point is that the "trick" baby tricks you into having a second kid way too soon- just when trick baby is fully mobile and ready to become a good and proper terror while you deal with the 2nd baby who isn't a trick baby, but a proper exhausting baby.

8
himit30 minutes is not a lie-in•

Hey, your kid's getting all of his rebellion out now. When he's a teenager he'll be an honor roll student who's home by curfew every night and your friends' kids will be out doing who-knows-what who-knows-where.

5
osteonsOP•

Lord, please let this be true

3
mybabysbacon•

I can't remember which BroMo it was to give them proper credit, but I remember someone here stating the fact that some babies just hate being babies. It's not your fault and you aren't a failure because your kid hated being a baby. Mine LOVED being a baby, but he (10) hates strawberry shortcake, and has the very WORST smelling feet. It's unnatural. We could weaponize it. We love the kids we're given, stinky feet, unnatural food preferences, and all.

5
stranger_on_the_busOHGOD DON'T STEP IN IT!!!•

Oh yes, I had one who just hated being a baby. She cried from the second she popped out until she figured out sitting up, and then she stopped crying. Poor kid just didn't want to be a useless potato, and as soon as she could DO something she was happy.

5
theoneandonly6558•

Our first baby was a lot like yours. Second baby, easy as pie. I highly recommend everyone have the hard one first.

5
SaGa1985•

You don't suck not even close. My son is 2.5 and I can't imagine what that must be like mentally and emotionally all day every day. I get frustrated at the smallest things so you seem like a God to me with endless endurance to be able to handle all of that!!!

3
RiotGrrr1•

The first 6 months are reasons why my son will be an only child. Colic plus feeding issues (he didn’t have suction and was evaluation for tongue tie (negative) so even bottle feeding was difficult but he out grew it but was in PT until then).

3
theguerrilla_gorillajust keep swimming, just keep swimming *lalalalalala*•

What goes around comes around man. My son was a dream baby, slept through at 8 weeks up to 14 hours a night, not too clingy etc. Took 4 hour naps. Dream baby.

I'm now pregnant with twins who never ever stop moving in utero, it's a constant dance party inside of me. I know we're fucked when they're born. Soooooooo fucked. Goodbye sleep and sanity.

3
playingtricksonme•

Wow what a rough time! It is normal to be jealous. You went through so much. Hugs

2
crazy_cat_broad•

Vaguely guilty over here with my easy baby. Gestating number 2 now and I'm sure karma will give me a hellion!

2
generallyok•

My son was a relatively easy baby. We had some breastfeeding issues - my supply was low - and he never napped for shit. But teething, gas, clinginess? Zero problems.

Now he is a toddler and I am being put through the goddamn wringer. Sure, he is still a happy-go-lucky kid who doesn't care if his cup is blue or red, but he barely eats, he never stops moving, he never listens, he is beyond curious, active, and stubborn, and everyone who meets him can't get over how absolutely insane he is.

So what I'm saying is....comeuppance is theirs.

2
Pamzella•

Sounds like the 2 week honeymoon? I bet it mama, I didn't really have it either, delayed lactogenesis, low supply and FTT made my first two weeks a bumpy ride.

2
lady_skendichIs there also fucking fives?!•

Been there on so many levels! Mine is 5 and I still get this time to time (she's just such a tiny asshole sometimes and the other kids seem so calm). Hang in there, and don't feel bad for feeling your feelings.

2
Friedfoxfriend•

both my children were (sometimes still are) aweful sleepers and I just want to slap everyone that tells me their baby sleeps 12 hours straight. That's never happened for me ever so FUCK YOU and your free time and solid sleep. I don't even know what that would feel like.

2
Meowing_Kraken•

Oh god and after a while come the advice and just-only-not-but-almost-snark about how you should do it their way and things will just be better for you. Aka, baby is easy, ergo I parent better than you.

I didn't have it as bad as you have but ours was very velcro, colicks, and stomach pain and screw sleeping alone or sleeping in general. But when people were around she was a sunshine. Guess how much support that got me? Yeah, only from my mom (who is awesome) and from the neighbours (who heard the screams at night and had a velcro of themselves). Even now some friends are like but she wasn't rreeaally colicky, you just can't handle things as well as some others. Then i politely ask could maybe they watch baby for a few hours so I can get mommy time?

Guess what they don't say any more after three hours of WHERE THE FUCK IS MOMMY AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU screaming baby Kraken? Yeah.

Other moms are assholes sometimes. Good luck and you are doing awesome and I feel all the feels for you.

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