Silence
Posted Nov 21, 2017, 4:01 AM UTC
27
I like where you have gone with this poem, and although I'm sure you are intending for it to be minimalistic, I think there is such a thing as too minimalistic! I wish there was a little more here. I also think the capitalization of silence in the last line reads as a bit pretentious - trying to make the poem seem more "epic" than it needs to be.
Your ideas here remind me a bit of a section from one of my favorite poems of all time - An Exequy by Peter Porter. He writes about the death of his wife: "The words and faces proper to My misery are private – you Would never share our heart with those Whose only talent’s to suppose, Nor from your final childish bed Raise a remote confessing head –"
This is heartbreaking and really powerful stuff. Thinking about how even in the last, supposedly most important moments of life, sometimes there is nothing that can even be said, or someone doesn't even feel comfortable speaking with the expectation of saying something particularly deep or significant. I think you can take this poem a step further and create something really powerful! I don't mean for this to be harsh, but poems have to earn the right to be really really short and vague. I think if you brought in a couple more images or elaboration here, it could be something really amazing.
1
Silence is not that bad to remind the worse, but I wish you wrote something called Quiet. You poem is very well conceived as a poetic expression of a thought and the words also put together poetically. Very few words but expressing clearly a feeling or many feelings, depending on each readers own state. Some will take it as tenacity, some as expression of complain towards someone or many. Some people take this stance in live expressing pathetically their differencies.
1
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Questions about this?
1
Oh, even if it's a short poem, it's nice. You found a way to describe the silence in a simple way and I like it 'cause it's exactly like I feel sometimes. :)
1
Me too. I'm a really quiet person. I write more text on reddit than I say words to other people. :)
2
I see. I like to talk but sometimes I need my own space and writing is a good way to wonder about the whole world while I'm alone at my bedroom XD
2
Silence is not that bad to remind the worse, but I wish you wrote something called Quiet. You poem is very well conceived as a poetic expression of a thought and the words also put together poetically. Very few words but expressing clearly a feeling or many feelings, depending on each readers own state. Some will take it as tenacity, some as expression of complain towards someone or many. Some people take this stance in live expressing pathetically their differencies.
1
damn. I often like to stay silent. I find that words are too much and unnecessary. I like how the poem about silence is very short.