It was going so well.

I've struggled with anxiety since I was an adolescent. Within the last 2 years, things have gone really well. I was living on my own, working, taking the bus everywhere (I don't drive), I wasn't agoraphobic like I used to be. Things were looking up, and I was happy.

Then, a month ago, I ended up in the hospital, in cardiac ICU, because I collapsed at work and stopped breathing. I kept passing out and my heart paused, the longest time for 15 seconds. Now I have a pacemaker and I know my heart won't pause anymore. But for 3 days in the hospital all I did was lay in bed and think about how I was going to die.

I'm back at work, but my anxiety is awful. I've had to move back in with my parents. I feel like a failure for not being able to handle this on my own. I don't want to go anywhere, just going to the grocery store throws me into a panic like it used to. I honestly feel like I have PTSD, even if it's a very mild form of it.

I just hate that with anxiety it sometimes feels like you take two steps forward, and ten steps back.