The Ant
An ant distraught, both small and strong and figured all but wise, it knows the way the world ticks and how it turns, but why?
It knows the grass, the muddy bank and how the sun it shines, but why it does, and how it sets is lost beyond its find.
And like the ant thinks all the stars are punch-holes not for him, and how the earth must end beyond the distant wooden limbs.
The end of path, born nothing else beyond the tattered wood, and like this you and even I are stuck beneath the hood of stars and sky and space beyond and death and living dreams, galactic seas of endless black, unknown and fevered screams. And why is light held by a speed and weight a thing at all? And how can space go on and on with never seen a wall? And why the moon that doesn't turn and why do you exist? And what is god or ant alike, said gone galactic bliss.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7n1j6g/shoreless_ocean/drz26wv?utm_source=reddit-android
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7n0wpp/innocence/drz2cil?utm_source=reddit-android
Posted Dec 30, 2017, 11:50 PM UTC · edited
I really like this a lot! Unconventional structure for the most part, but I honestly think it works well, as it's more so prose poetry than anything. I love the theme and you can convey it well, and you chose to convey it in such an interesting way, beginning with an ant and ending with God and space. Wonderful, and I can't wait to see what else you write! :)
I appreciate it. I think the format is borrowed from simpler writers like Shel Silverstein, which isn't to say I'm as good. But you think it's unconventional? I look around and think other people's work is unconventional, always wondering why they don't use a more cadenced rhythm to the rhyme. That's interesting.
Unconventional...it just might be my experience! I feel like I often see things broken up into shorter individual lines, which are sometimes metered and sometimes rhyming. I'm not quite, I'm not so familiar with the technical terms or anything, so I can't really describe it that well!