Source
r/OCPoetry•
Jack259585

Always

Feedback Received!

I've recently taken to writing poetry to help work out some of the things I've been feeling lately. This is one of the poems I've written. It's pretty much free form, no rhyme scheme or anything. I don't really care who sees it, I'm just kind of wanting somewhere to put my thoughts out there, thought maybe this might be a good place to do it. I'm definitely open to feedback, but this is more of a personal thing.

Always you’ve been here.

But it's only now that I truly see you.

The more prevalent you become, the clearer it becomes also.

I can’t imagine my life without you.

You ground me.

As I grow, you grow alongside me.

Without you there’s no telling who I’d be.

That thought scares me.

Every day you’re the thought in my head that never leaves.

You’re the truest emotion I’ve ever felt.

The way that I feel makes no sense sometimes.

It doesn’t have to.

Always you’ll be here, just as you’ve always been.

Time goes on, and I get stronger.

But so do you.

The mere presence of you can bring me to tears.

In the moments I least expect you, are the times you’re consistently there.

It doesn’t matter where I go, you’ll always be with me.

I’ll carry you forever.

You’ve changed me in ways nothing else ever could.

You are my curse.

Comment Links

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7nzgk9/december_31st/ds7dtv6/?context=0 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7o1bk1/the_importance_of_loving_yourself/ds7d9n8/?context=0

Posted Jan 5, 2018, 1:17 AM UTC · edited

215
awordwritten•

I really like it. The tone suggests it could be a positive lament, or a curse. It's good in that the tone suggests it could be something internal or external.

I hope you get what you need.

2
Jack259585OP•

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. And you're spot on. It's written as if to a loved one, but the subject matter isn't even a person, not even a thing, but a feeling.

1
ALEXA_NDER•

Sadly, it is way too relatable for me to read the whole poem without catching dark feelings. However, i really do believe that your way with words is passionate and that the message you're trying to convey is really in your face if you know what i mean. Nevertheless, i look forward to seeing what you might post next time and i do, i really do encourage you to keep posting your stuff here. I really enjoy it!

2
Jack259585OP•

I understand what you mean, and thank you. We all go through hard times in life, and I hope whatever has happened in your life that makes this relatable is followed by happiness.

1
Pallid_Prince•

I like it and I find that I and probably many others can relate to it a lot, I like the simplicity in the presentation whilst still conveying the intended emotion.

As far as anything to perhaps improve upon, you may consider the rhythm or the flow, as it stands it feels ever so slightly on the stiff side.

Thank you for sharing, it was a pleasure to read.

2
Jack259585OP•

I appreciate your feedback, thank you. I'm glad it does it's job in conveying the intended message. I do write some things with more of a rhythm to them, but in this case I was more or less just getting things out, as if speaking to someone directly. I've never shared poetry I've written like this, so the positive comments I've gotten are really nice.

1
girl_painter•

I think your voice is very strong and clear in this poem. I enjoyed it very much, I think my favourite line, 'You're the truest emotion I've ever felt', conveys a powerful sentiment many will recognize.

2
Jack259585OP•

Thank you, you're very kind. I'm glad it struck a chord with you. And given the nature of the subject matter not actually being what it appears to be at first, I hope that you or anyone who has felt the way I've felt when writing this ends up surrounded by love and positivity.

1
LeazJ•

I felt nostalgic reading this. It is like you are personifying something and expressing how you felt about it. It is something that you have even before you have realized it and now that you have recognized you have come to the conclusion that you really need it and that it shaped you without you even noticing it. This could be a metaphor to our friends, family, and other factors that shaped your life. I really enjoyed the feeling that it gave off. Knowing that there are something that I still have to appreciate until now.

2
Jack259585OP•

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's meaning can be different for everyone I suppose. When I wrote it, the subject in mind is actually a very somber one, it's meant to express more that what it is I'm speaking to is something negative but addressing it as though addressing a loved one. But in a way depending on your perspective it can be taken as a positive thing as well. Either way, thank you for reading it and leaving your feedback.

1
[deleted]•

That's quite the twist at the end with the curse line. I like it, the darkness of what seems to be codependence. Well done.

2
Jack259585OP•

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
Jack259585OP•

My apologies. I had left feedback on other poems but forgot to include the links here. They're there now.

1
ActualNameIsLanaMOD•

You're good now Thank you

1