I an Idol
Forged in flesh unthinking, a womb of regret,
Born of dross;
I was due the world, the reverence of Mankind,
A portion with the great.
I was allotted a dim lit shrine; cigarettes for incense,
Indolence my only priest.
For they know there is no such thing as an Idol in the world;
Yet sacrifices I decreed.
A liturgy of fay and forests;
The hymns of stars and spiders;
Prayers of soul and slumber;
All demanded in thunder and rage, all swallowed up in the dumbness of my lips,
The silence of all Idols.
Yet with my little strength, I cast a curse.
A pall upon the land before me, a plague on time and chance.
In curled fist I clasp a future, with eyes of stone I see ahead.
I will have my liturgy with weeping,
I will hear my songs in broken throats,
I will grasp my prayers from the bleeding mouth,
I will tear my sacrifices from unwilling hands.
I will visit the sins of another upon the innocent,
As those sins which have offended mine eyes,
And the congregation of forgotten Idols shall say as one
Amen.
Posted Jan 9, 2018, 5:31 AM UTC
I get an impression affronted pride, or overdue reverence. The archaic language works in favor of this image or idea of a mighty being narrating their wounded pride, but its can also alienate for the reader; "dross", why? Its so...obscure of a word, it feels like it was chosen from a thesaurus.
"offended mine eyes" is another archaic term that feels reaching rather than natural.
I normally loath "poetic" poetry, the type that tries to stuff all sort of archaic posy in a poem to give it color. But it works here, I can imagine some sort of deity speaking in such a bombastic way. I would only suggest pruning some of the more out there words (i.e. dross), but the meat of this piece is solid and well done.
Dross is the metal impurities that rise to the top of liquid metal, so it was chosen for thematic reasons.
Otherwise thanks for the response! It's much appreciated.