I like are the that the theme is carried throughout, using similar stanzas. The message comes across, but I can't help but feel that it is lacking something (aside from what /u/I_Have_Like has said).

I think it might be the inconsistent rhyme scheme - the AABB rhyme in the third stanza works well but the ABCB scheme in the last stanza sticks out, a bit like jamming on the brakes - maybe that's the effect you were going for - if so, keep it.

Concise, raw. It's very tightly written, which I like.

I like the line '"Just one toke?"/I choke' a lot.

The last stanze is great too. Admitting your own imperfection adds a humanity to the poem that I really appreciate. Makes it less preachy.

That being said, the rythm is a little wonky at times, especially with "and not a moment/to think".

Food Food  
Everywhere  
and not a bite  
to eat  


Sound Sound  
Everywhere  
and not a moment  
to think  


Smoke Smoke  
Everywhere  
"Just one toke?"  
I choke  


Liquor Liquor   
Everywhere  
well that's mine  
to be fair  






https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7qfsvf/the_masses/dsp5bew/


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7qglql/schizo/dsp5kl2/



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