Vegan Chicken Shop
She opened up a vegan chicken shop
Opposite Hackney Meat and Poultry Market.
She liked the devil in her sights, she’d say.
The chefs had piercings in their cheeks and foreheads.
Her lipstick spread so high above her lips
It hurt to look at. No one had good teeth.
She’d done it up to look like Chicken Cottage –
All primary colours. Though she’d groan when boys
in puffers made a show of walking out,
Their stiff performances brought purpose to
The day-to-day of deep fat frying wheat
Gluten. So she’d grow lighter as they entered.
In fact, life seemed to weigh a little less
in there. The staff mimed 90’s ballads to
Each other. And the customers went on,
And on, and on about how good it tasted.
The only notes of discord were the biro
Battles played out on gendered cubicles.
These made her ill at ease, ’til late one night
She drew a penis on the skirted sign,
And tiny breasts above the other’s trousers.
The imitation hot wings sold like hotcakes.
And as the queue expanded, chatter fell
To work, and kids, which brought the load they carry.
Until the choice of being there could pass
Unsaid, and did. No longer could she tell
A vegan from a vegetarian
Just by the way they spoke about their schooldays.
So when the butcher shut, she had to wonder
Why winning tastes like chicken plumped with water.
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7roqvp/boogey/dt2sq48/
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7s07gp/boot_suicide_of_a_drone_technician/dt2ptqd/
Posted Jan 22, 2018, 11:27 PM UTC
Interesting little story! Personally, I would have made this flash fiction, but it's really just my preference for pieces like this. The imagery and playful tone make it stand well as a poem.
I suppose the only critique I have was the I didn't really register the seventh stanza. Maybe just explain it to me? Seemed out of place but maybe there's context I'm missing or something I didn't catch.
Thanks a lot for the feedback. I usually ask my family to read my poems, and they always complain that they are indecipherable, so I tried to go for something with more narrative. I've swung too far the other way though. Need to find that happy middle!
The 7th stanza is the first sign that she's now behind the curve, becoming mainstream. It doesn't occur to her to keep the toilets gender neutral until she reads the comments scrawled on the cubicles. Helpful to know that that isn't conveyed well. Ill work on that bit.
Thanks again!