Suicide {Short}

Very short and to the point. There are a couple of errors that may need to be fixed:

Line 2: tired should be tried(unless you meant tired?)
Line 3: You use the possessive form of its when you need the contraction it's
Line 4: I needs to be capitalized.

I think this poem gets the idea across effectively but I can't help but feel some feelings wouldn't go amiss. You start off talking about feeling the pain, maybe expand on what that feels like? The rest of the poem repeats the phrase "I know."

Usually poetry is about telling a story or expressing an idea or emotion. You've expressed the idea well enough but I'd love to hear what you have to say on how you know. Why do you know the time is right, why do you know you can't hide? Most people (I hope) grasp the idea of having suicidal thoughts but it's a very personal experience and I think this poem could use a bit of what makes it uniquely personal for you (or if this is a character perspective, what makes it uniquely personal to that character.)

You doing okay?

r/suicidewatch is there if you need it -- not to conflate speaker and author and all...

Hey Just-Casey,

Your poem has a solid flow and a simple substance, which comes in handy when you drone the phrases through your head every minute to maintain a decent level of depression. I wish to analyse the flow in greater detail.

 
RHYTHM
. / . / / . . /
. / . / . / / . . /
. / . / / . /
/ . / . / . /
. / / . / . /
. / . / . / . /
. / . / . / . /
/ . / . / . / /

/ means long syllable, . means short syllable.
Of course interpretation of length is subject to the reader.

You managed a good iambic tetrameter with some trochees along the way for variation, four feet works great for droning, the same way music usually works with four counts per measure. An exception is:

the pain I try to wish away at night

It has five feet instead of four. This could be solved, for example, like this:

the pain keeps me awake at night

. / . / . / . /

 
RHYME
A A
A A
A B
C C

I'm assuming you meant "tried and tried" instead of "tried and tired". "life" is the odd one out here, though this hardly affects the scheme, because unlike A, which has rich rhyme, B's assonant rhymes with A. To finish off, a powerful double syllable rhyme. Checks out.

 
REPETITION
To reinforce the droning of this poem, that inevitably will become completely meaningless and will solely represent the sentiment of depression and death after reciting it enough, you opted to add an anaphor: "I know that". This tells the reader that the narrator is certain, it completely lacks doubt - or rather, seems to. This poem is how the narrator convinces himself to end it all, to end the pain and suffering. Incredibly cliche, nevertheless a well executed cliche.

 
Cheers.