What happens at outpatient therapy? What about inpatient?

So I'm going to be 5000 percent honest about me.

I'm in the army, I'm 21, and I just can't stop these suicidal thoughts, ideations, and circular thinking.

My life doesn't seem terrible but something something brick by brick blacked out all the sunlight something something.

I constantly feel like I'm holding it together for other people and never myself. But this sucks, and my brief months in therapy and on antidepressants haven't helped enough.

When I go into therapy in March, I'm 99% sure I will be committed and begin a long process of waiting to get medically discharged from the army.

Makes me feel like such a shit head, but people keep telling me being honest to my provider is what's best. It's just, how do I face people?

My commander and 1SG are definitely going to come check up on me while in the hospital. Failed them.

I'll have to move back home to my parents and explain the situation. Failed them.

My co-workers will wonder what happened. Failed them.

I signed a piece of paper when I was in a bad place hoping to find some purpose. It didn't work and now I'm just a big leech surviving on the governments dime.

God I hate myself so much. I hate having to censor what I say. I hate not being able to express how I feel. I hate feeling ashamed for trying to take care of myself.

I just wanna know what to expect at inpatient/outpatient.