Source
r/OCPoetry•
therealfailwhale

Anchors

Feedback Received!

I sleep in blankets
Common enough
With pillows on either side
They steady me
A presence
Something to cling to
Prove I’m not alone

My blankets give me weight
A constant reminder of gravity
So that I don’t fall upward
Into the void
While I sleep

But sometimes it’s too much
I wake and the pillows that I clutch
The blankets that are my anchor
They’ve covered me in sweat
The heat too strong
The gravity a pressure my body
Can’t escape from

I sleep surrounded by soft
Gentle reminders that I
Am not alone
But when I’m dreaming and
Unaware
They stifle me, oppress me
Until I wake and wish
I’d been brave enough
To cast away my comforts.

https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7uvj2x/gone/dtnxyfj/ https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7ux73p/why_i_dont_dream/dtnxu1q/

Posted Feb 3, 2018, 5:44 AM UTC

75
word4weird•

I dig it.

"The blankets that are my anchor They’ve covered me in sweat" Could being covered in sweat be conveyed more forcefully?

"But when I’m dreaming and Unaware They stifle me, oppress me Until I wake and wish I’d been brave enough To cast away my comforts." I really like these lines. I can identify with them personally, and I feel there's a universality to the feeling that a lot could relate to.

3
therealfailwhaleOP•

I’ll try and rework the sweat line, thanks!

1
FriendofTravis•

Very creatively done, the main message hits you at the end and you want to reread it because you realize it‘s not about blankets at all, it‘s a metaphor. But don‘t you work against your build-up in the end? I mean in the last paragraph the blankets remind you you‘re not alone but you are alone? I would suggest discussing something similar with the blankets instead of not alone. Something like secure maybe

3
therealfailwhaleOP•

I like the secure idea. I was going for the idea that even when you’re not alone it can still be too much, but I’ll see how it sounds with security as a focus instead.

1
emergencynursing•

This poem almost reminds me of my English teacher who would ALWAYS find a way to compare everything to the line,

"Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink; Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink.”

... Just a memory I will always have.

2
mrlucluc•

Having or pretending "someone" is there brings such comfort, but people like us desperately need the strength to survive on our own, because at the end of the day, we're all all alone.

2