Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.

It could use some meter. Or stretch some imagery. Good pathos though.

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it. 

Opening line is strong, second notsomuch. I think just making it "it was overwhelming" is enough. I find its best to not describe the "her," because its often too prosey and girthy. Same with line 3, too vague and not substantive. Cut that one.

(it's not perfect, but) try:

&nbsp;

"Met a Girl Today

&nbsp;

Had class with her for a while.

Three years in fact.

However, today, I met her.

It was overwhelming.

Today was the best day 

I had in a while."


&nbsp;

Of course, this draft cuts the girls dreams, which could've become this poem's solar plexus. If you want the girl then make it interesting, don't simply implicate her aspirations, you feel me?


I did like it though- and I agree with Greenhouse_Gangster's form revision. I am not sure about cutting the description of the girl, but the cut makes it seem more personal. I like the simplicity.

Go into detail, I want to know her like you know her now. Everyone has a life, aspirations, and a past. What is HER life like? Are her aspirations within reach or does she have her head in the clouds? Did her past break your impression of her after 3 years? 

Try to write using "I" less. It will let a reader connect more with your writing. There are some nice pieces of imagery here, but they are less noticeable in current context. Go more for the emotions, less of only the visuals. "Her warm smile" is a good example of putting feeling into a simple phrase. Keep it up! 

Just on the first line, I instantly adored this poem. I imagined a boy with a crush on a girl finally talking to her. He says he's had classes with her, but he never had the courage to talk to her, saying that one day he finally met her. 

I hope I made sense. XD

I've had class with her for a while. Three years in fact. However, today, I met her.

I saw her shining smile. I heard her blissful laugh. It was overwhelming.

She told me about her life She shared her aspirations. She mentioned her past.

Today was the best day I have had in a while. I can't believe I didn't meet her sooner.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7v4s42/mirror/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7uyyv1/snake_husband_response_to_medusa_by_carol_ann/