I used to fill myself up
with laughter and light
but sharp thoughts came along
and ripped my skin with their bite
My light trickles out
like the leak in my sink
now my blues are white
and my reds turn pale pink
now I try to repair Me
with band-aids and glue
but the thing that works best
is patches of You
but I can’t rely on temporary
cause duct tape don’t last
and it’ll hurt like a bitch
so I’ll pull away fast
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Posted Feb 13, 2018, 3:17 PM UTC
This feels parallel to my life, i feel like i am a shadow of who i used to be and that i've become numb to... everything but i have someone in my life who makes me feel a little more human whenever she's around but i also know that my personality has become toxic and i feel like if i stay around her she may lose all of her 'brightness' as well so i try to keep my distance but god knows that isn't easy.
sorry, not exactly what you would call 'feedback'
i feel like the meaning of your poem could be lost on anyone who isn't in the same situation (hell, i might've even interpreted it wrong) but in a way, isn't that kinda the point? yeah, your right about different meanings an' all guess i was unknowingly cherry-picking.
I think that poetry can mean different things to different people. I think that's the beauty of it. It connects us in ways we can't normally.
I have someone that I can't actually ever have. But he makes me feel normal, and sane when I'm with him. But I know I have to be okay on my own because it's not healthy to rely on him for that, especially since he sorta has someone else. So I try to keep my distance, for both of us. So that I don't attach and then one day fall apart when he can't be there anymore. But I appreciate you sharing how this poem relates to you. It's important to me.
I like it. Perhaps next time let those thoughts take out a huge chunk and blind them with your hearts light? Then seal the hole with joy. If you cant find enough within yourself, remember you are not alone.
Thank you.
It's pretty nice, especially like the part on patches of you then making you the duct tape that had to be pulled away fast as to reduce the pain. But I don't see why light had to be used for a replacement for happiness, I do get the alliteration of light and laughter but couldn't life be used instead?
'Light' represents happiness to me. Like how darkness is associated with depression/sadness. So light leaking out means darkness to me. But I do appreciate your feedback because I see how that could be confusing. I'll work on rewording it.
I also feel the title and the beginning of the stanzas should be in caps.The small letters really ruins the aesthetic, unless you did it for a reason.