Who Buries Cows?
I did once pass upon a moor
That wept across the morning sky
With drifting dew - so cold and raw
Those drooping tears beneath my eye
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And cattle mused in pastel mud:
Each speckled beast so far was spread
In cornered fields - they calmly stood
Until I saw a cattle; dead
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I see - it was no gruesome sight:
No ravens mocked or dared to feast
The carcass caught the tender light
To bathe the beast in nature’s peace
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Upon this sodden, rolling land
All faces fled his natural grave
Alone upon this earth I stand
In time to mourn - too late to save
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Who clears the curd of flesh so cold
That’s blessed with all but mortal breath?
What solemn soul must be so bold
To dig the grave of bestial death?
——————————————
Although I know - can I not ask?
And pray a different fate would come
Yet I meet death upon this grass:
The maggots life has just begun
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7zfk5l/comment/duqhnwu?st=JE0MW5KO&sh=4228c01e
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/7zs85s/comment/duqhjwt?st=JE0MWY0Z&sh=bb59aa68
Posted Feb 24, 2018, 12:35 AM UTC · edited
So firstly I'd like to say that in its brevity there is such beautiful imagery and story in your work. I'm not sure if you had trouble formatting for reddit, the random capitals lead me to believe that was where you had line breaks. If not, I highly suggest line breaks, they would help improve the flow and legibility! I'm not really sure what you're trying to say with "wept across the morning sky", it makes me think of something sweeping across an expanse, but I don't understand how the moor can stretch across the sky, or weep in any way, so I'm a bit befuddled there.
I really love your description of the dead cattle, very haunting! The 4th line/stanza, the part that begins with "yet in this endless", is a bit muddled, I'm not sure if it's because it's all clumped into one line, which makes it really hard to decipher, or the word choice, but I thought I would point it out! I'm not really sure about the faces and his you mention, what faces are you referring to? When I first read the line, I thought perhaps the his was a greater being of some sort, or just an other, but now I'm wondering if the faces are the his? Obviously it might be my fault I can't understand, but a reader's confusion can still be a sign that re-wording is in order.
Lastly I'd like to say that I literally got chills at the end of the poem, the line "What solemn soul must be so bold To dig the grave of bestial death" is so beautiful, and then "Yet I meet death upon this grass: The maggots life has just begun" really brings the entire poem to a wonderful finish. Overall really, really well done poem!
I chose the word “wept” to try to capture the sodden morning scene, attempting to add later image of dew being tears. I understand it might not entirely work though.
The faces were meant to be both the cattle or other humans - just wanted to emphasise the solitude of the cows death and his own abandonment from the herd.
I’ve also reformatted so hope it’s easier, but I’m on mobile and formatting is bloody difficult - thanks for your feedback : )