ding, ding, ding! (you are the master of allusions)


I thought the water imagery was taken directly from the myth; being thrown into the sea by Hera for being lame.

coolio, is there something you think needs changing? how's the rhyming at the end?

Oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense -- I turned to the figurative a little too quick, but the poem lent a hand in that I think, with all the stuff about pulling kelp and vomiting seawater.The feeling I get is similar with this reading as my earlier one, but there's more clarity.

I'm *trying* to write about prosthetic, especially the new prosthetic coming out that could potentially replace the arm completely. knowing that at some capacity, does it noticeably change how the poem feels?

The imagery is really crisp, I'm just having some trouble constructing meaning out of it -- how does all of the water imagery relate to the vulcan myth (or star trek lol)? is the speaker the vulcan boy because they hardened in the water? That makes sense. Is this about being strengthened by trauma? Regardless, it's well done.

It reads as this metaphysical/existential tale for me. The "becoming / whole" enjambment is refreshing. This poem has kinda got a hopeful quality that I really dig. It's definitely memorable.

>With a hammer and a net, you have pulled me from the sea of
>increation. Crawling, I vomit seawater out of the ocean floor.
I feel like this line is a metaphor given from the perspective of an idle person who is helped in some fundamental way by some vague savior.
>You have pulled me from unharm, this water soaking in the shore,
>your arm around my arm, my arm, this brass arm you untore.
All the prefixes of -un kind of get in each others way. Would pulling someone from unharm actually just mean hurting them? Would untearing a brass arm imply it was torn before? Would untearing it mean welding or fixing it?

I love the imagery of the poem, I just don't know what it means.

thanks, this is a good bit to chew on, and a few thing you point out are just things that definitely need changing. 

this poem felt a good bit more unwieldy that other things i've been writing lately, so i'm glad to know that my reservations were accurate.

especially, thank you, thank you for pointing out a romantic component i didn't see just because i was so close to the source inspos

# Nitpicky stuff

| With a hammer and a net, you have pulled me from the sea of  
| increation. Crawling, I vomit seawater out of the ocean floor.  

I find "increation" a bit put upon. Perhaps just "sea." I might suggest a
slight rhythmic reworking of the first line.

> With hammer and net, you pulled me from the sea.

I am not sure what I would do to "Crawling, I vomit seawater out of the ocean
floor" but I might go with just 'water' and futz with the preposition as "out
of" is honestly a bit puzzling.
  
| I pulled kelp like a rope  
|                                      from my open mouth retching– and spoke:  

"in a rope" perhaps? I might strike 'retching'.

| *With a hammer and a net, you have pulled me from the sea of*  
| *increation, and you have forged an arm of brass around*  
| *my arm.*  
|                I reach out like a sword and cut the shore of becoming  

Maybe I just don't like allegory, but I dislike "of becoming / whole." Also
questioning "like a sword" and the

Vulcan Boy (With Fire)