A very bleak poem with a slice of hope buried in it, I like it. There's a lot of great imagery in here. 'Forlorn sky', 'marches of misery' (nice alliteration), 'sunbeam cleaved its way through the storm'. I can picture some very powerful images in my mind and there is some underlying personal feelings. 

My favorite part was the end 'enjoy the sun without the rain'. It's very powerful and has a metaphor I think everyone can relate to on some level, at some time or another.

Just a couple of spelling mistakes appear throughout the poem. Such as 'leadend' which should be 'leadened' but even then I'm not sure if that is grammatically correct. It's possible another word could be used there but the line is still good! Another is 'hoplessness', should be 'hopelessness'. 

Sorry to be a grammar Nazi but they just popped out at me. Besides that though, it's a very good poem with some powerful messages embalmed with vivid images. I look forward to what you post next!

I had them in separate lines, but it combined all of them lol. It was not my intent.

The formatting may be an artistic choice, but not having actual lines makes it a bit harder for me to process. There are times the flow feels a bit off to me, such as: "Drenched in anguish, I meandered through marshes of misery/ Untill darkness was all that I could see" the first line is so much longer than the following it kind of threw me off. Still a nice poem though, I liked a lot of the imagery. 

I once lay beneath a forlorn sky

Wishing that the world would let me die

I wondered why I was deluged in so much sorrow,

And If the endless rain would stop tomorrow

Drenched in anguish, I meandered through marshes of misery

Untill darkness was all that I could see

Weighed down by water and slowed by mud,

I embraced the rising flood

I looked up at the leadened sky in desolation,

But what I found there was not hopelessness,

 but elation.

A sunbeam cleaved its way through the storm

And my soul began to warm

At last there was a dawn to my endless night

And now my ravaged world is adorned in light

But although these falling drops of sun dampen my pain,

I hope to one day enjoy the sun without the rain


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/83hmvd/downwards_onwards/?utm_source=reddit-android
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/83i6m1/dead_broke/?utm_source=reddit-android


Sunshower