A Horror Story for you all, Based on a true story.

This morning I thought today would be a good day. I woke up at the timely hour of 2:30pm (daylight savings threw me off a bit) and rolled out of bed to grab myself a beer (it's pretty much St Paddy's day) and immediately knew something was off. Ok I didn't know anything was off, but I probably should've looking back on it.

So, I went to work. By work I mean browsing reddit and watching the new season of Jessica Jones. Overall the season was good, not as good as season 1, but better than Iron Fist so I'm not complaining. I decided that I would watch the final episode of the season with a good ol' fashioned domino's pizza (literally the only pizza place that delivers where I live). That's when things went from good to nightmarish. Those of a weak constitution, I urge you not to read on, as this will become very graphic. I got my Pizza with Cumberland sausage, chicken breast strips, and smoked bacon rashers. I want to say the pizza was good, but I simply can't. You see, I dropped the pizza box when taking it upstairs, and so many of the toppings (mainly the smoked bacon) ended up stuck to the top of the box. It wasn't the biggest inconvenience, I just ate the pizza, and then ate the bits of bacon from the top of the box (shit cost £9 I'm not going to waste a single morsel).

But not all of it was bacon. The last piece on the box was staring back at me, I had a sinking feeling that it wasn't bacon, but I was too weak. The thought of smoked bacon drove me to do something awful, something I'm going to regret for the rest of my life. I picked up the slightly darker bit of smoked bacon, and immediately it didn't feel like bacon, but still- my drive for bacon overcame me. I placed it between my teeth and bit down. Instead of a crispy with a small amount of chewiness, I was met with a hard crunch and a release of vile juices. It was not bacon. It was a small chunk of red onion. The devil's testicle. Without even thinking I had thrown the few layers of putrid apple from my mouth and onto the window to my right. I went from enjoying bacon to dry heaving over a toilet in less than 30 seconds, and I am furious about it. I was meant to have a good day, and instead I'm sitting here, regaling my tale of caution to you all, as that disgusting red flake sits stuck to my window, staring at me... mocking me.

The moral of the tale is don't trust anyone, not even your pizza delivery guy... not even your bacon.