I want to attempt suicide, but fail in the process.

I want to be hospitalised. I want a good excuse to take time off work. I want to be taken care of. I want to lie in a hospital bed, and have my family and colleagues visit me.

I feel like, this way, someone might finally give a shit and I'd get some time off work with meals and care included. The doctors would finally take my depression seriously. It could be the opportunity to finally fix everything that is wrong. I could wake up in a couple of years' time and say "yeah, that happened, but I finally got the help I needed and now I'm much better" rather than still being depressed, still thinking about suicide, still hating myself.

But as much as I think about killing myself all of the time anyway, I don't see myself risking it.