Sluggish behaviour

I am a broke gal and for that reason, I only have mobile internet and, at times, only 2G. The new site is really, really laggy on even 3G and almost impossible to load on 2G. Pleas make the site pass the parachute test (humorous test for websites when I did web design: imagine to jump off a plane when you start loading the site and only pull the cord when it finished loading, if you live, the site is well, if not, your offspring has to improve the site) on 3G. Worst of all is that the freaking sidebar is in the way the entire time a page loads, making it impossible to read the text when the site has not completely loaded.

Please for the love of the narwhal baconing at midnight, think of the people in less developed parts of the world, think of rural people, think of broke people like me, think of people who are traveling, etc. and please improve the site.