Is there an insurance policy that will cover suicide

I’m at the point where I’m just over everything. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t get happy when I eat at my favorite place, read my favorite book, or hang out with my friends and family. I just went to the beach this past weekend to just clear my head and have a good time, and that didn’t even work. Now I came home, found out I lost my job. I don’t even feel sad anymore. I attempted suicide my senior year of high school, 3 years ago. After that I stopped going to school, my mom told me that I was gonna give her a heart attack because she was so worried about my attendance. The week of my graduation she ended up in the hospital getting a quadruple bypass because of me and has to take a ton of medicen. I’ve never forgiven myself. How could anyone? I didn’t even get to graduate because of half of a credit and I’m very smart. Had a 29 on my act score and got accepted into my top choice college. Everything has just gotten worse. I try to keep my head above water just to keep her and my little sister happy, but it’s almost impossible. Is there any type of life insurance policy that will cover my own suicide so I can make sure everything’s taken care of so I don’t have to worry about the financial part of it all? I know it will devestate my family, but I just can’t do this anymore.