Son, I feared I had lost a good friend in a car accident today...

I was driving home, and I saw a few squad cars in the Quickie Mart parking lot, and I saw my buddy's brown Ford Tempo with the roof racks on it, looking banged up. My heart sank. Quiet, I'm not done. I drive up beside one of the cars and got out.

One officer raised his hand, and said, "That's close enough!"

I pleaded with the officer, "That's my friend's car, please tell me everyone's alright!"

The officer said, "We've got two dead and the driver was decapitated. Can I ask your assistance identifying the deceased?"

So, I took a breath, and said, "Yes, sir. I'm ready."

So the officer grabbed the hair of the decapitated guy, and held it up near his hip, and said, "Is this him?"

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said, "Thank goodness! It's not him!" Then I raised my hand up above my head and declared, "My friend was this tall."

Take out the garbage.