Coffee Before Logic

It's pretty clear by now that I enjoy my themes. So today I'll share three of my favorite stories from people who are simply too tired to function. Remember, kids, always drink your coffee before you try to do any work.

Cleaning Keyboards

Library security is fun because you have all kinds of nonsense on the computers. Generally you're just there to tell people not to spill drinks on the keyboard, though I was a little late to stop this young lass. Chickadee was roughly 19, clearly cramming for a college exam, constantly waking herself up whenever her head dropped onto the desk.

She noticed the keyboard was really grimy and in her tired state thought, "Oh, I should clean this a little. Let me just dump my bottle of water on it to clean it up." About a second of this later, she jumps back with her bottle of water, realizing what she was doing. I'm already over there when I noticed what she was doing, thought about getting on her case, but decided to be nice about it without risking our equipment. No more computer for her, go home and get some sleep.

Bruce Lee, Is That You?!

Some of our patrons only care about watching videos and movies on the computers, something I hardly agree with losing valuable PC space for, but is allowed. Cue very young lad with very little sleep. I found from the parents that they were from out of state and had been driving for ages on little rest, the kid was definitely feeling it and tried watching a kung fu movie to entertain himself.

Roughly 20-30 minutes later I'm doing a patrol when I notice the lad snoring in front of his movie. Cheery as can be, I walk over without realizing the threat to my life. A simple, "Excuse Me," and suddenly the child leaps from his chair, earbuds flying out and his hand chopping down on my leg with a loud "Watchaaaw!" Clearly, the sheer magnitude of this kid's power threw me across the room and I did not have one of those few times where it's impossible to keep a straight face in security. A few seconds later and the kid is waking up, with everyone staring at him, and babbling about how he didn't know what he was doing. Angry parents came, I defended the kid, and asked him to teach me some of his moves.

Smoker's Habits

Tired smokers are usually the most irritable from my experience, but sometimes can be the funniest. For instance, one extremely tired smoker was up the entire night before they went into work, binge watching White Collar on Netflix most likely. Upon reaching their place of work, they decided to go outside and light up, get the urge out so they could walk around and wake up before starting the day. Reaching down into their pocket, they drew their lighter, put it in their mouth, then proceeded to strike the cigar so they could smoke their lighter. I think that they were in different pockets than usual so just the muscle memory came in.

Sadly, it took me breaking my cigar before I realized what I was doing. People saw.