Could I be just copying a trans friend?

Hi, sorry if my english is a mess. In the end this just ended being me complaining and saying stupid things, sorry again. So, uh, for some months now, approximately like five? four? Ive been questioning my gender. I think I have dysphoria about my body (im uncomfortable to hell and back about it, but idk), I panic when someone asks me why I started presenting more masculine, I barely started to cry in new years eve when I just started thinking about all this, how my family is surely, surely going to hate me and stuff. Basically, strong feelings going on, I guess. But the thing is, I only started to investigate genders, thing that leaded me to this state of questioning, because one of my best friends, came out to me as trans, FTM. When he came out IDK why I first: started to panic everytime someone on the internet called me male, screaming that I was female, and two: started to actuallly research more genders, idk why, which eventually ended in me staying up at 5am searching on google ''am I trans??'' and reading a looootttt of subreddits and quora, hahah. Rn Im almost comfortable to talk of myself as a male with some close friends, and dreaming of you know being a dude, but I cant shake the feeling that Im just trying to emulate my trans friend. Ive always had the feeling that he's better than me (i think this of most people tbh), maybe I taked him as a role model? Maybe when I compare myself to other trans people Im just trying to force myself to believe im like them to be more like him?? maybe im just some dumb transtrender who thinks being cis is lame?? that last one is dumb but im a person with almost no personality, i think i kind of try to be like other people. When i was little i remember trying to be more like my other friends, i kind of uh failed but still. Im just a blank canvas who maybe is trying to copy someone who seems so secure of themselves.... sigh just thinking of this makes me sick. im gross. sorry for being so annoying, but ive been thinking about this for months and needed to get it out. im just fucking 17, guess ill figure out things eventually. guess so.