Day 10 (?): Wow, three hours of sleep and made it through the day without coffee!

I know, guys, I've been bad...I complained about drinking alcohol and having it mess up my sleep and I did it again last night. I would think I would be self-sabotaging myself if I didn't like myself as much as I did :)

Anywho, so I went to bed around 9 and woke up at 12 and...didn't fall back asleep. Maybe I dozed in and out of sleep while trying to listen to "tropical rainforest" on my Spotify.

The fact is is that I managed to make it through the WHOLE workday, even giving a presentation, on 3 hours of sleep and felt "OK." Not good. Just not horrifically bad.

Coffee really messed up my sleep and I remember some days where I'd get 3 hours of sleep and I'd be a TOTAL MESS and be in literal pain.

But today, not once did I want to get coffee. I just knew it would make me feel worse so I knew it wasn't the right choice for me.

I didn't feel in pain. Just kind of "off."

Benefits and drawbacks so far:

• eyes look more "open" (before they looked super squinty)

• impulsive, repetitive tasks less rewarding (like surfing the net all day...I'm beginning to want to do other things)

• it's easy to "say no" or dismiss coffee.

• as stated before, can survive a day with barely any sleep.

• ruminating thoughts GREATLY diminished. When drinkin coffee heavily, I'd just obsess about work all weekend. I didn't WANT to but the thoughts wouldn't leave me alone. This past weekend, I kinda noticed that those thoughts weren't there and I was like "Huh, that's interesting." But they did kinda keep me up at night.

• I NEED to freaking walk at least once an hour. Before, I could sit at my desk all day. But now I get sooo restless and just need to move my body. Sitting all day is sooo bad for you but I'd just get up once in awhile and stand and stretch, but my body was like "MOVE AROUND!" so I walked around my building 3 times day.

• slightly better endurance when running on a treadmill.

• beginning to thirst for "fun:" Some really cool person on here told me that he/she wouldn't have booked a last minute ticket to Budapest if they were still on the bean, but they did now! I'm beginning to want fun. I'm beginning to want to do stuff...crave it, actually. Play tennis or buy new clothes or something. Weird, huh? Anything new/different. Before I just felt soo awful and despondent at all times I really had no interest doing anything.

• feeling kind of sad about my life. People talk about the fun things they did over the weekend and interests and stuff, and I feel like kind of a weird shell of a person. Maybe that's beyond coffee, but I used to be really fun-loving and stuff and now I'm like "Ack, I have NOTHING going for me!" But maybe that's the fatigue talking. I was at a doctor's appointment and the doctor was like "What do you do for fun?" and I drew a complete blank and yammered out some weak answer.

• Don't need to pee all the time. Before, it'd get so bad I sometimes felt like I might piss myself. The caffeinated "need to pee" (that urgent, crazy feeling) is very different than the non-caffeinated need to pee. TMI? Maybe.