Is my Mother a narcissist? I am starting to think so. But I'm not sure.

So I've been lurking here a few weeks. Reading a lot, commenting very rarely. I found this searching for a way to make some sense of what happened with my mother.

Background, I am 44F. My mother is 75. My father died a little over 2 years ago. I was always closer to my father than my mother. She was the authoritarian in the family and was not a warm loving kind of mother.

So since my father has died, it kind of fell to me, the youngest of her 3 daughters, to be Mom's caretaker. Both of my half-sisters are in their 50's and have serious addiction issues. She's in moderately poor health. Since his death she has displayed a 'learned helplessness' type of behavior. The last 2 years I have bent over backward to help her- from Dr's appointments to vacations to making sure she had someplace to be on holidays and anniversary dates.

Recently my husband was diagnosed with cancer. When I told her about it, she had the strangest reaction. This is why I am wondering if she is a Narc.

We were at a restaurant, and she sat in stone cold silence, looked at her plate, and then started talking about her meal. I thought maybe she was shocked, so I brought it up in the car that I told her some pretty serious news and she ignored me. I asked if she heard me and understood, did she have questions, did she want to say anything.... She said she heard me and understood and had no questions and nothing to say. Alrighty then. I was very hurt and upset. I went home and told my husband, and he had a hard time believing I was being literal that she acted that way. She does not have mental deficits.

So a few weeks later Christmas rolls around and we go to visit. He brings up his chemo and starts chatting. She stares at her feet, ignores him, and changes the topic after several moments of silence.

At times her excuses have been- 'you said not to tell anyone about H's cancer and that means don't speak so I didn't speak', to we claiming we never went to lunch that day and the conversation never happened, to claiming the conversation happened but she asked tons of engaging questions, and she didn't speak or acknowledge him at Christmas because my sister was in the room and she thought that maybe he DIDN'T SEE HER SITTING RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM.

Now we're several weeks into a standfoff. I want a sincere apology including what in the eff made her decide to act this way and why. She just wants to pretend it never happened. She sends "apologies" such as 'if I said anything that offended you it wasn't my intention' and 'I'm sorry you feel I hurt you".

I have been a great daughter to my mother. I have always been there for her. My sisters are users and pieces of shit who would rob her blind and dump her in an alley once the money was gone. I don't understand what is happening.

I don't recall the type of abuse many of you all post here about growing up. I just know she was distant, cold, sharp tongued, and tended to lash out at me when she was mad at one of my half-sisters. I do now see that there were many times when my father would intervene and smooth things over between my mother and I. He would say "she's so sorry", or "she's so proud of you, she just can't say it"... Now I'm beginning to think none of that was true, and he was just covering for her to make his own life better.

So what do you think is happening here? I feel like I am losing my mind. Anyone have any other ideas?

There's more, but this can only be so long.