Friday Khutbah: Trapped? Scared? Angry? Depressed?
Hello.
There's a lot of anger, frustration and sadness in this sub. Most of us are forced to remain in the closet. For the few that have come out, life isn't necessarily much better. Getting out of Islam's shadow isn't easy.
Over the years, I've become increasingly aware of the seething anger many exmuslims have towards Muslims. I am especially concerned about those exmuslims living in Muslim countries. These exmuslims don't enjoy the rights many exmuslims living in the west have. Coming out is a one way ticket to prison or a morgue.
The two options left to these exmuslims are migrating to the West (increasingly difficult given the current political climate) or staying to reform their society (this can also get you killed).
So you're trapped. You're also scared, depressed and furious all at once. There seems to be little hope for you. You're burning with rage and your hatred towards the people you see as oppressors cascades with no means of release.
I wish I had the words to make you instantaneously feel better and even if I had, mere words won't fix your situation.
If you've been here a while, you must have come across arguments like - Not ALL Muslims or some other pithy words like - Muslims are better than Islam. I hold these arguments to be true but they don't make you feel any better, do they?
I am not here to repeat those cliches to you. They annoy me just as much and I've parroted those arguments more times than I care to count.
You still have that anger and it's getting stronger each day.
Before we proceed any further, you need you to ask yourself a few questions:
- Does my anger or hatred help me?
- Am I okay with feeling this way?
- How long do I want to be in this state? 6 months? 6 years? 6 decades?
Okay, let's recap - you're stuck in an impossible situation, things aren't getting better, there's no cavalry coming and you're losing your mind.
I hate to say this but you're going to have to dig in deep and pull yourself out of this clusterfuck.
I don't know if you have what it takes to do that. You must be exhausted just trying to keep things together. Some days I barely had enough energy to crawl out of bed.
Well, the good news is that you don't have to fix all your issues in one go. It's a process and it will take time. You'll have your good days and you'll have your bad days.
Another good news is that the only thing that's getting in your way is YOU.
Yes- I know parents, society and the government won't let you be but we both know that those things aren't likely to change soon. You don't have to change them because it's not likely that you can!
So let's cross them out from our list of worries. We just have to focus on the things we CAN change and right now - you are the easiest thing for you to change.
Now you are a slave but you don't have to keep a slave mentality. They can keep you locked up in a country, a house or even a room but your mind is free. You can think what you want and they can't stop you there.
So you don't have to fix all your issues in one go. You don't have to worry about your family, society or government and you have your own private sanctuary that you can retreat to at anytime. Things are looking up, friend. A lot can be accomplished with just this.
Your situation could change for the better at any moment. But if you're stuck in this cycle of hate, anxiety and sorrow- you may not be in any shape to capitalize on those changes when they happen. You are too busy wallowing in those negative states to ever work on bettering yourself.
But maybe that's too much hope- to hope for your external situation to improve. Okay- That's fine. I only mentioned it as an afterthought. Let's dial down the hope. We don't have to hold out hope for that. We don't need to.
The U.S. Navy SEALs have a saying: "Get comfortable being uncomfortable." Which works out great for us, because we have a lot of chances to put that philosophy into practice.
If this mindset sounds familiar, then perhaps you know of Stoicism? It's a school of thought from Ancient Greece and you will find it leagues more useful than anything Mohammed came up with. Here's an article that can help you incorporate Stoicism into your daily life.
And if you haven't tried meditation- I suggest you add that to your armory. You don't have to believe in any mumbo jumbo stuff. Just try to watch your thoughts pass by and give your self some head space each day. It might make a world of difference and you don't have anything to lose by trying.
Another thing is to reassess your definition of success or what you consider a ''good life''.
If you watch TV, you might be innundated with countless ads that give you an impression of what the good life is. Ads are aspirational - even if they're trying to sell you detergent, they feature clothes that are nicer than what you wear, people who look better than average and the cleanliness achieved seems to give those people a level of confidence you can only dream of. You don't realise it but everyday you're bombarded by images that influence the idea of what a good life should look like.
And if you're not influenced by the media as to what a good life is, your society may have a design for life already planned for you - finish high school, get a college degree, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, retire, die.
And some of those things might be great but have you stopped to consider what you really want? Take a moment and think like a minimalist. "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." What do you really need in life to be content? Content- not happy.
Maybe you already know what you need to be content but given your circumstances- you can't do the thing you want (become an anime artist?)
Good news! If you're forced into achieving goals you don't care about, then you won't have to care if you fail at them. Failure is one less fear you'll have. How liberating!
If you've read this far, you might have noticed that all the suggestions I made mostly have to do with looking at every situation in a different light. That's often the only major difference between people. Your problems aren't unique but how you see the situation is what sets you apart.
When I was a Muslim, I'd pray to Allah daily to help me deal with my problems. There were many problems and most were beyond my ability to change.
After a few years, I began to grow disillusioned. I prayed. I always did the right thing. I did everything I was supposed to and still Allah didn't help. Sometimes I would tell myself, that Allah had greater things planned for me and sometimes I would remind myself that this world was a test.
That kept me going for a decade or so.
Then I stopped praying. I was fed up.I still believed in Allah but I started to think he didn't care about us. I told myself I wasn't going to ask Allah for anything anymore. Life could throw anything it wanted at me and I'd deal with it- one way or the other until I died.
I was tired of being upset all the time. I was still angry but I was going to use that anger and find a way to survive. I knew I was being childish and petty at the time but like the Greek heroes of old, I wanted to defy the odds and impress the gods.
Now you don't have a god to ask help from or to try and impress. But you can still change your mindset and try and beat the odds. Why? Because you have only the one life and you don't want to waste it in anger, frustration or sorrow.
Challenge yourself to do better than you've done yesterday. Reassess your problems and re-frame them to make them more manageable.
I know this won't help all of you. But if you haven't looked into these things before, I sincerely hope you will try.
Posted Mar 15, 2018, 8:52 PM UTC
Yes.